Friday, June 08, 2007
Well, it's been a few days since I've blogged but here goes. I went back to Illinois for a vacation and saw my son and rest of my family. It felt so good to see them as I hadn't seen my brothers in 3 years and my son in 18 mos which was wayyyy to long for that.
Everyone had seen positive changes in me as far as my weight and mental attitude. I came home and discovered I had lost 3.5 pounds. That's the first time in my life I have ever lost weight over a vacation. I had also lost 2 pounds over Christmas, another first for me. That was a very good feeling to have.
My sister and I have lived out here in Calif for 4 years and when we got home from our trip, I found out that she is moving back to Illinois. She left this morning and it's very scarey for me. I haven't been on my own for several years due to my weight. I have lived with someone for 7 years, first my brother and his wife and then my sister for the last 6 years. I feel like a favorite sitcom that has finally come to an end. My sister and I got so much closer, being the only two out here so it's a loss for me to not be able to see her daily.
Since being out here, I've become so much more independent. I started driving again, after being out here for 6 months, I can go to the store when I need to alone, I go to the pool and gym on my own. I'm not afraid to do things on my own so I'm telling myself I can do this. I know I can but there are still lots of doubts in my mind. I have the options of moving back if I want to, but I love it here. I also know that if I moved back there, I really feel like I would go back to the way I was before and I don't ever want to go there again. I really think I would lose my independence again but because I would give up and let everyone take care of me again. I DON'T WANT THAT!! It helps me so much to have my son who is great and encourages me all of the time. I love him so much and miss him, but he tells me I need to do what it takes to make me be happy and healthy. He is such a smart kid (man) at 25.
So, this is going to be starting a new chapter for me. Im looking forward to it but in the same sense, I'm scared out of my mind! The main thing I have to do is to stay focused on my journey as far as my diet and exercise goes, especially the exercise right now. That will keep me sane and not mopey.
We shall see how it goes for me in the days ahead.