Tuesday, September 02, 2014
I’ve said before I would never “start over” - just “continue”. Well, I’m beginning to doubt that strategy.
Last year I lost 98 pounds - I’ve gained 64 pounds of that back.
I’ve messed up so bad in the last few months that to continue as I am now will be slow suicide. I’ve regained most of my weight - that has depressed me terribly. I’ve lost contact with friends because I’ve been ashamed of my weight gain. More depression. Even though spark friends have contacted me - I’ve been “avoiding” them because I am so sure they will be ashamed to know me once they realize how much weight I’ve gained back and how horrible I look.
I’ve always wanted to be an inspiration to people. At this point in my journey I can’t even be an inspiration to my dog.
The only hope I have now is a NEW BEGINNING. I never really thought that you could do that, but I’ve learned through church and my wonderful pastor that you really can have a New beginning. As a matter of fact - the motto of our church is “A place for new beginnings.” Now I know the church is talking about the spiritual but I believe that the same thing holds true for the physical as well. I simply MUST start over with a new beginning because to continue at this point will put me in a very bad place.
I am including a photo here because I desperately need the accountability. After taking screen shots of all the lovely comments - I have deleted all my old photos except those where I weigh more than I do now.
I am hoping that by opening up in this blog that I will be drawn back into the Spark fold. Please bear with me as I try to sort out this mess.
To all my friends….thank you for keeping me in your thoughts - I am going to try to get back to the Sparking level I was before - I miss you “guys”
To anyone reading this that has regained like I have...don’t avoid people like I have. Jump back in and get going again…If you stay away because you have gained you will continue to gain and the only thing you will lose is yourself.
Big Hugs to all