In my last blog I talked about how the ball was rolling in the right direction... but I was like Indiana Jones, trying to stay ahead of it, hoping not to get squished! I wish I could tell you that some unforeseeable circumstance came in, tripped me up through no fault of my own, and that is what caused me to fall down and get squashed by the giant boulder.
But one thing that is pretty cool about me is I never play the victim. Don't get me wrong, there are times where I feel like there is a dark cloud over my head and I can't catch a break no matter what I do... but what I mean is that I always take responsibility for my choices. That is the me of 2014... 28 year old Stephanie. But that wasn't always the case.
There was 19 year old Stephanie, who lived at home with her family who were all of normal weight. We didn't cook at home, cooking was never something we did. It was always fast food. 19 year old Stephanie thought that once she got away from "these people" who were always "making her" eat fast food, the weight would melt right off.
Oh how that was ever wrong. Once I got a car of my own, I got fast food all the time, without the "help" of anyone else. I moved out almost 6 years ago, lived all alone, was responsible for all the grocery shopping and food choices, and I gained EVEN MORE weight. Priceless huh? At the end of the day, I am the one making the final choice and putting the food in my mouth, so I have to take responsibility for my choices.
That is what happened on Day 4. I ordered food, I wrote down my order on the paper... (At work we can't leave, so 2 people have to do a "chow run" for everyone)...I handed my coworker my credit card, I anxiously awaited the food, ate it all, enjoyed every greasy bite (shame on me) and I ate like double my calories today. I single-handedly destroyed Day 4. Day for never stood a chance.
But I am here, taking accountability for eating the whole greasy world, and I am ready to "shake it off" and move forward. I knew when I started Day 1 of good eating that I wouldn't be perfect and that it wouldn't last forever. I will be honest and say I hoped I would crash and burn farther down the line and not on piddly day 4, but hey, stuff happens.
So I will start Day 1 again tomorrow (Tuesday) and keep on working on it. When I say Day 1, that is simply counting my days back on track as a motivator to me. I count my journey as one looooong journey. This is a lifestyle change, and even though I have bad days, weeks and months, I have never quit and never started over. I've been at this for 2 years and 5 months, and that is about 2 years and 2 months longer than I ever thought I could do! The fact that I am still here, still working at this, and still have that drive and desire to lose weight is amazing to me. I may not be where I had hoped, but I am a lot farther along than I ever THOUGHT I could be!