We're almost back from an awesome weekend in and around Pittsburgh for a good friend's wedding! (Well, another 2 hours through Indiana.) The informal reception at a beautiful park was fun, and it was great to see our friend and finally meet his bride! (My husband has met her and has seen our friend more recently, but I was at work the last two times they blew back through Chicago.) And we got to share the news of my pregnancy!
But here's my super-sad moment that I just can't shake: I am shocked by how fat I look in the photo of us all together that my husband just posted to Facebook!
And the kicker is I have only gained about five pounds so far during this pregnancy, so it's not even that!
I have been upset/annoyed/disappointed that I had gained back nearly 15 pounds before I even got pregnant and was majorly struggling just to maintain there (hungry all the time), let alone get it back off. But somehow I didn't think it was THAT bad. In the surprise pic from today, yes, my middle is looking rounder. And I'm OK with that. But also my arms are huge again and my face is WAY rounder too!!
Plus I am sure the guilt over having not exactly eating well all weekend is not helping. At one point I started scarfing down cinnamon-sugar almonds (that of course I never should have bought anyway) in self-pity! I have not behaved that way with food in ages.
Sigh. So I'm faced with a huge dilemma! I'm really unhappy about this, and if I weren't pregnant it would serve as my wake-up call to buckle down, slash my calories and work my butt off again. But NOW what am I supposed to do? (Mind you, I'm already biking nearly 50 miles a week still, even pregnant.)
Can I start strength training again now? Truthfully it's been well over a year since I've done ANY with regularity. And my midwife is only OK with the cycling because I am already used to it -- they evidently don't want you to beef UP your workouts during pregnancy unless you were completely sedentary before.
I bought prenatal yoga and Pilates DVDs, which are waiting to be opened, which I'm sure will help me feel better, but not less fat.
So, um...HELP! Did any of you moms out there do Leslie Sansone's more rigorous workouts (including light weights) while you were pregnant? I'm thinking I could start back at just 15 minutes per morning?
And don't even get me started on my new obsession with whether I made the right decision to drink a cup of coffee nearly every day so far.
I had sliiiiiiightly more this weekend, because of my travel exhaustion, than I've been allowing. And now I'm guiltily rethinking what I thought has been a moderate approach so far. (The research is all over the place, but my midwife did OK one cup of day -- but at first I didn't realize that even 3/4 full my usual mug was probably bigger than it should have been.)
So I'm a little sad that a great trip -- so rare for us! we are never able to go anywhere -- is being a bit clouded by my sadness and disappointment over those darn pictures. I really have not been able to let it go since I saw them.