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The other half a laugh

Sunday, August 24, 2014

The personnel office received an email requesting a listing of the department staff broken down by age and sex.
The personnel office sent this reply...
"Attached is a list of our staff. We currently have no one broken down by age or sex. However, we have a few alcoholics."

A man entered a bank with a rather large dog on a leash. He asked if it was okay to bring his pet into the building.
The teller said, "Yes, providing he doesn't make a deposit."

Mr. Smith was a traveling salesman and frequent flyer, so he was always very, VERY careful to mark his luggage so that no one would mistakenly take his bags. He always did this with bright ribbons and tape, so he was quite surprised to see his bags grabbed by a well dressed man when he got to the luggage carousel.
Mr. Smith walked over to the fellow and pointed out the colored ribbons tied to the handle, and the fluorescent tape on the sides.
"I believe that luggage is mine. Were your bags marked like this?" he asked.
"Actually," the man replied, "I was wondering who did this to my luggage."

Late one night a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into the path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs.
"Give me your money," he demanded.
Indignant, the affluent man responded, "You can't do this, I'm a United States Congressman!"
"In that case,"replied the mugger, "give me my money."

A blonde is taking the driving portion of her driver's license exam.
She handles most of the maneuvers quite well. She has a little trouble parallel parking, however, and winds up a couple of feet from the curb.
"Could you get a little closer?" the examiner asks.
The blonde then unbuckles her seat belt and slides over toward the examiner.
"Now what?"
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