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    WEARINGTHIN   55,576
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On taking your life, 2014.

Saturday, August 23, 2014

Just read of yet another suicide. This was the percussionist for a band in Portland, OR. 43 years old. Shot himself. Even prior to the suicide of Mr. Williams, this has been a year of an uncommon amount of those in the spotlight taking their lives. It is almost becoming as common place a the proverbial showing off of the baby bump. And it is very sad. These lives were as yet undetermined as to the amount of joy they could have and bring to this world. It is only in the bleakest moments that such acts are initiated. Yet life has so much more to offer for those who can see past the haze.

1974. I was 23 years old. Had just suffered through an agonizing hospitalization, and was given a major mental health diagnosis. I felt okay when I left the hospital, and while at home with my parents for awhile, but the diagnosis was figuratively killing me. I saw no one like me in the world who would ever amount to anything. I was almost totally helpless when one night, alone in our lower level bathroom, I grabbed a bottle of my mom's pills that she was using for anxiety. I downed more than half of them, and went to bed. That was it for me. My way out from my new disturbing and impossible circumstance. Only thing was, I think now that they were placebos. I woke up the next morning. Sun was shining brightly, air was warm. I was feeling fine. No ill effects. AND I DIDN'T DIE! I was alive. I was kind of a confessional sort of kid, so I told my mom I took them. Nothing seemed to change between us. I had been seeing a psychiatrist, and continued seeing him. I had a very good relationship with a psychiatric social worker. I felt very much that she was on my side.

Shortly after that I met my wife, who was also in my corner. Years of work in therapy and in nightly coffee trips out with my then girlfriend led to me moving on, albeit slowly, with my career. There was a major geographical move to just leave the past behind. Eventually my wife and I had a child, and then he had two children, and now, there is a beautiful 3 year old girl and her younger brother who bring joy to the world and who wouldn't be here today had I been successful on that evening in 1974, or on any subsequent night.

LIfe has innumerable ways to reward you for sticking around. Of course life has setbacks, but there is a resiliency anyone can develop that pulls you through the tough times, and there are lots of people along the way who you wouldn't want to have missed out on.

Let's not let this become more of a trend. Seek help from whomever you can trust. It takes a lot of work, but it so much more interesting to see just what's around the bend. Glenn
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MYAKAYAH 8/30/2014 2:09AM

    How I missed this Glenn, I don't know. I have thoughts but I talk about my struggles with depression on my blog sometimes. It takes a lot in my experience to get to the point where you feel death is the best way to deal with life. I have fought the demon myself and continue to do so! Great entry~

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KAREN-IS-HERE 8/23/2014 9:03PM

    emoticon emoticon whew! glad you woke up that "first" morning- you were very lucky

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CHEBBA 8/23/2014 7:38PM

    My husband recently heard on tv, and then told me, about the actual statistics regarding our all being here. The chances of each and every one of us being the one egg to be fertilised is, in itself, fantastic. Then, in the entire history of the world, there have been something like 185 billion people. There are, today, something in the order of 8 billion. That you, me, everyone in SP, all the countless people we see everyday but never know who they are, etc are even IN the 8 billion is nothing short of hitting the jackpot. On top of that, our fortune in being born into lives in 'civilised' countries where we have enough food, education, medical care, laws and freedom of speech - well, it narrows us down to being even more like lottery winners. The incredible sadness is that depression robs people of perspective and the ability to have a rational interpretation of their lives and their potential. For those who do not suffer from depression but choose to live lawless, criminal, mean-spirited and sometimes violent lives, how terribly sad to squander the miracle of being here at all. Every second of every day that we are here is like winning a gargantuan lottery. I am lucky, I don't suffer from clinical depression or the effects of alcoholism, recreational drugs etc. I don't care whether the sun is shining or it's lashing down with rain and snow - every day is wonderful. Even the seemingly miserable ones and the ones where grief at losing someone or a pet I love have reduced me to an emotional wreck. I recognise that I won the biggest lottery ever in being here - but my heart goes out to those who don't have the ability to so do, for whatever reason.



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ICECUB 8/23/2014 7:00PM

    I AN GLAD YOU WERE NOT SUCCESS WITH TAKING YOUR LIFE. I THINK IT IS SAD WHEN SOMEONE TAKES HIS LIFE. IF THEY ONLY UNDERSTOOD. NOTHING STAYS THE SAME FOREVER. GOOD OR BAD. YOU HAVE TO KEEP GOING AND TRUST THAT THINGS WILL GET BETTER. ALSO IF YOU FEEL SO DESPERATE GET HELP. I THINK PEOPLE ARE AFRAID TO ASK FOR HELP. IT DOES SEEM THAT SUCIDE IS THE NEW THING. I WISH PEOPLE WHO FEEL SO HOPELESS WOULD UST REACH OUT.

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SEASONS_CHANGE_ 8/23/2014 5:02PM

    Very good blog and sorry that things were so low that you wanted to take your life. I'm glad it didn't happen. There is much to live for, as you mentioned.

We have to be tough when the tough gets going and never lose focus on the person who we want to be....

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KAREN608 8/23/2014 2:18PM

    If more people who went through suicide attempts, and survived, could put it out there online, maybe some would realize there is life after the hard times. All the media shows is the worst of it, hardly ever the over comers that give hope to others.

Around here in my small town, there seems to be 2-5 suicides a year. I see the aftermath to the families. It's common and sad.

Comment edited on: 8/23/2014 2:20:20 PM

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NOWYOUDIDIT 8/23/2014 12:17PM

    Wow Glenn, thank you so much for sharing that. What an amazing testimony. Have to give you a emoticon


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LOFLLAMA 8/23/2014 9:25AM

    Thanks for sharing such an intimate part of who you are.
L

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GRATEFUL_DAWN 8/23/2014 8:56AM

    Thank you for sharing Glenn.

I struggle with depression every day. I know that so often I have felt worthless, like I make no difference in the world and that there is no point in me being alive. It is so hard pushing through those dark times.

I used to use food to cover up the pain. Since I have started the SparkPeople program things have started to get better. The encouragement and support that I receive here is so wonderful. Since I am eating healthier and exercising more, I feel better.

That is awesome that you were able to have children after your dark time. You are so blessed.

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REGILIEH 8/23/2014 6:37AM

    Glenn,

What an awesome blog! Thank you for sharing and if you help just one person reading it it will certainly be worth it.

Maybe those like yourself need to educate the rest or get the message about what you are so thankful you didn't miss out on.

Beautiful blog!

I wouldn't have wanted to miss out on you!

Anne

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LYNMEINDERS 8/23/2014 5:27AM

    Totally agree with you Glenn....
It is hard to pick up on those who are suicidal though....
Strange you should write this today as I was haveing a conversation with a deputy head of a university hall yesterday about exactly this.....

God works in mysterious ways.....

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MARYANN2323 8/23/2014 2:55AM

    I agree with you wholeheartedly. Too many people just don't have the will nor the strength to see what lies beyond the bend. And more times, than not, the view just ahead is lovely.

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