I have such wonderful Spark friends. I thank you for checking in on me. Yes you, PuppyWhispers and Kekeiko. I truly appreciate it. I was actually feeling alone earlier today and thought to myself, 'you have your spark friends. You are not alone.'
I am not 100% sure how I am. I continue on this roller coaster ride.
I should start from the beginning but that makes too much sense. My DH started back at work last Wednesday, I have been able to stay busy. But then the weekend came. I knew Saturday morning that I was not right when Sierra frustrated me on our morning walk. I have learned that this is a sign. It means I need to slow down or deal with something or who knows... but it is a sign that something is wrong.
We then headed out to the acreage. We are almost there when I realize that we do not have the 2x6 we need for the shed. I flash my lights at my DH and he pulls over. He heads back to the house to get it. As soon as he pulls away, I realize he had the keys to the other truck so I can't get to anything. I planned to get tools and such set up. I also realize that the tape measure is at home.
He arrives at the acreage and is of course frustrated, with good reason. It kind of looks like rain so he decides that we should hold on the shed and he will plow the front field instead. I am not moving quickly enough for him and my brain is not clicking. Stupid stuff. Then it get worse when he try to attach the plow thing. Bottom line is that he hurt his finger real bad when I was trying to slowly back up. It ended up being ok. Thank God he had gloves on but it hurt like hell. At that point he just wanted me to get away from him. Long story somewhat shortened. He plowed the front field and we went home.
We both felt kind of sick, nauseous, dizzy and tired. Sunday was the same so we did not go out. In the mean time I am still feeling real bad about our Saturday.
So.... I guess that is still hanging over my head a bit. I think it went all wrong because we were both not ourselves but who knows.
And as I said, he is now back to work. I kept myself busy or felt crummy enough not to care on Monday. Tuesday pushed myself a little and did chores. did I mention I have/had more ant bites too.
Anyway, today I am not feeling overly motivated. I did however...
did 2.5 on the treadmill (walked)
Oh and I am still shakey. It is not a bit deal but frustrating.
I think my biggest struggle is not knowing what I should do about work. I thought they would have an assignment for me soon. This is getting a bit out of hand. Should I be freaking out or should I trust that I will get an assignment. I guess I need to talk with my DH about this. I also need to look harder for full time positions.
Oh and there is the guilt for not attending a Project Management Chapter meeting last night in Charlotte. It would have been a good opportunity to network and maybe find work but I had no motivation to go. NOT good.
Today I am realizing how different it is to be here without Utah. I don't think I ever minded being home with him. It is just different.
Then I think..... or should be thinking...
SWDESERTLover made me think reading her blog.
I keep saying tings happen for a reason. I hate not knowing the reason and hate feeling like I should be doing something and until I do I will not get an assignment.
SwDesertLover however, looked at things from a positive perspective.
I should be more thankful. I have so very much to be thankful for. I am just in a funk that should be over by Friday I hope. I need to have a good weekend with my DH.
When I am on a roller coaster I need to focus more on being thankful. I am such a blessed person and have so much to be thankful for.
I will snap out of all this soon enough. I am learning that I am simply not a good sick person. I need my treadmill time even more these days. I know things are harder when I am tired or stressed and I am now adding sick to the list. I miss my crutch, Utah. But it all goes back to being thankful for what we/I do have.
On a positive note, I did finally eat better yesterday and today too because my weight seemed to be sky rocketing.
I finished a book today (rather than sitting and thinking).
I will get it together.
I can not thank you enough for being there for me and listening.
Just found this one and it is so true.
Just received my mammogram results in the mail, "No evidence if breast cancer." Another thing to be very thankful for.