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Trying to finish the day with an introspective, retroflective smile; again thanks to WATERMELLEN.

Sunday, August 10, 2014

Some of us are of a "certain age" and can remember when girls didn't wear pants to school, playing sports was uncool and boys ruled the playground. In the late '60's and early '70's I tried my darndest to be pretty, cried when boys called me fat and accepted a boyfriend (my ex) less than what I deserved.
I went to college in an area where girls were supposed to get married right out of high school, have babies and stay home. I rebelled and went to a 2 year school as my dad "would not waste the money on college for a girl"...he apologized the rest of my professional life.
In the late '70's, I stayed pretty. Ok, my current DH told me I was "hot", kept most of the weight off and put up with sexist issues at work because, "hey, baby", isn't that what we were supposed to do?
I gained weight, I lost weight, the sexist comments came back at work. The mixed messages were buzzing in my brain so I went back to school. Something was missing.
DH has had a heck of a time trying to be supportive.
He was the stupid boy on the playground, the "hey, baby" kind of guy. You know the kind.
Man, did his attitude change when he had two intelligent and pretty daughters! But even then the signals were mixed. OK for them, me...not so much.
Kids grew up, I got some balls (sorry!) and became and expert in my field. No one told me when I was young I could be anything I wanted. Sure a kid could grow up to be president but that was boys!
Now all that being said, this weekend's dilemma has been about approval, thanks to WATERMELLEN's great blogs and my personal crisis.

I seek approval from others whether it's DH, my kids, coworkers or the lady down the street. That pat on the back is rewarding; missing it can be devastating for me. The fat kid on the playground is still in my brain. If I can't make her go away, maybe I need to get her to realize it was ok to be me in all those phases. Take my past to a new level.
I sure am coming to terms with the me smiling in the mirror now!

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Oh boy, do I remember those days, too!
    I was told that there was no money for college for me because my two brothers would have to support families, so if anyone went - THEY would be the ones to go.
    I was being sent to secretarial school.
    An interested high school teacher told my mom about a two-year program at the City College that would leave me with an AAS degree. I had to take the SATs to get in.
    My scores on the SAT - quite surprisingly made me eligible for four years of free college! That was how I got my undergrad education!

    It was a man's world back then. ( I remember having to get permission from an employer to wear pants to work during a snow storm.)

    Today, women are MILES ahead of where we were. I see it with my daughters-in-law. And more power to them. It's a better world because of it.

    That need for approval, though, is something I have to deal with a whole lot more than they ever did. It's in my DNA. I understand that one completely.

    Many of us here on SP have that in common, I think.

    1316 days ago
    Yeah, that rings a few bells for me. Girls got engaged at 15 at my school, no need to finish that sixth from year, what for, after all? I was the first person in my family to get a degree. Have a professional qualification and a career, managed to find myself a DH, very much to my surprise. Never really thought I would get married, it didn't look like such a great option for me. Had to go for a younger man as the ones my own age and older were too sexist for me to put up with.
    Not so sure about the approval thing, I'll have to think about it.
    I'm enjoying thinking of you sitting on your porch in the summer evenings reflecting and considering what next.
    1319 days ago
    WATERMELLEN sure made a LOT of us think today, didn't she? Well pondered through. And glad we're smiling in the mirror now! emoticon
    1319 days ago
    You have come a long wa. And yes I remember those days where "boys ruled the playground."

    I was extremely blessed w/parents who valued education and supported us in our choices in college.

    I happened to chose nursing. Well, as a student nurse, the prevailing attitude in the 70' was " . . . as a nurse, when a Dr. enters the room, you stand up." Oh boy. That attitude had to change when I worked in ER/ICU/CCU. It had to be a COLLABORATIVE effort. That worked much better.

    Kudos for you for following your passion. I did too and I was so worth-while.
    1319 days ago
    When I was young I was raised to be independent and not raised to get married. I wanted to be an astronaut. I can still remember when the male class genius informed me that girls could not be astronauts. It was my introduction to sexual discrimination but it was just the start and it got much worse. The good thing is that I have young female friends and they have never had to experience what I did. They are still not paid fairly or promoted fairly but things are improving.
    1319 days ago
    Thanks for that shout out!! I'm also of that era when women weren't expected to go to university (maybe 1 year teachers' college or 1 year nursing after high school . . . but anything more was a "waste of money").

    Suffice it to say, I showed 'em!!

    Suffice it to say as well, my own DH has been HUGELY supportive and I'm beyond grateful.

    But: still recognize the persistence of that addiction to the approval of others . . . every single day. And its relationship to comfort eating. And the need for mental toughness to deal with both!
    1319 days ago

    Comment edited on: 8/10/2014 6:16:44 PM
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