Sunday, August 10, 2014
Some of us are of a "certain age" and can remember when girls didn't wear pants to school, playing sports was uncool and boys ruled the playground. In the late '60's and early '70's I tried my darndest to be pretty, cried when boys called me fat and accepted a boyfriend (my ex) less than what I deserved.
I went to college in an area where girls were supposed to get married right out of high school, have babies and stay home. I rebelled and went to a 2 year school as my dad "would not waste the money on college for a girl"...he apologized the rest of my professional life.
In the late '70's, I stayed pretty. Ok, my current DH told me I was "hot", kept most of the weight off and put up with sexist issues at work because, "hey, baby", isn't that what we were supposed to do?
I gained weight, I lost weight, the sexist comments came back at work. The mixed messages were buzzing in my brain so I went back to school. Something was missing.
DH has had a heck of a time trying to be supportive.
He was the stupid boy on the playground, the "hey, baby" kind of guy. You know the kind.
Man, did his attitude change when he had two intelligent and pretty daughters! But even then the signals were mixed. OK for them, me...not so much.
Kids grew up, I got some balls (sorry!) and became and expert in my field. No one told me when I was young I could be anything I wanted. Sure a kid could grow up to be president but that was boys!
Now all that being said, this weekend's dilemma has been about approval, thanks to WATERMELLEN's great blogs and my personal crisis.
I seek approval from others whether it's DH, my kids, coworkers or the lady down the street. That pat on the back is rewarding; missing it can be devastating for me. The fat kid on the playground is still in my brain. If I can't make her go away, maybe I need to get her to realize it was ok to be me in all those phases. Take my past to a new level.
I sure am coming to terms with the me smiling in the mirror now!