Saw a doctor at the Local Walk-In, Urgent Care Center after my doctor said he was booked. I asked for a digital ex-ray & a culture. Done. Found Pulmonary doctor a few miles away who'll see me next Thursday; I have to bring the ex ray on CD disk with me. I picked up prescriptions but am holding off on taking steroids & powerful antibiotics until culture is analyzed. It's hot - no A/C by choice this summer to save on electricity. Haven't heard back from daughter since she texted, "Go to ER". I could be on a slab in the morgue for all she knows. With her birthday on Monday & no further communication that she'd like to go to a free concert on Sunday evening with me, & not knowing if I'll even see her on her birthday, I dutifully took grains/beans/seeds from freezer, and spent all morning cooking them over hot stove after rinsing/soaking them over night. 2 sinkfuls of dishes.
I realized my mind was not in silent meditation preparing food with love as I always do. My mind was thinking negative thoughts that all this prep work solely for her birthday might end up not being served to her due to her inability to have a healthy, normal relationship with productive communication skills.
And with her father destroying any hope of having a normal family with his depraved, heinous actions, my side of the family is fractured & ruined, forever, with no hope of him ever being a part of celebratory events, in the future.
All these select grains, beans, legumes, seeds are pre-prepared to make healthy summer salads with freshly picked garden vegetables, but, for now, without hearing from my daughter, I have no expectations. I'm not doing anything else with this food. Boiled red beans, boiled long grain brown rice, quinoa, hard boiled eggs, cooked red potatoes, uncooked cheesecake to be cooked, boiled lima beans, vanilla pudding with vanilla bean. It's all covered in the refrigerator now.
Because it wasn't prepared with love, I'd just as soon throw it into the compost pile. I'm going back to bed as I'm not feeling well at all & setting up a hot bowl of water to breath humidity into my lungs & taking oil of oregano. 5 more days til I see the Pulmonary doctor.
It's 2 PM on Saturday and I'm inside as usual. No summer fun for me. All I've done is work around the yard.
This lung condition is ruining my summer.