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    SARAHPPP   1,202
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1,000-2,499 SparkPoints
 
 

150 days left! and I have a right to be happy


Monday, August 04, 2014

I have been on my fitness program 11 days. I have fallen off twice already , mostly due to my closest friend, chronic depression. The one truly reliable thing in my life. I can always count on it coming back. ALWAYS. 40 years now. It is nice to know something can be completely relied on. At this point, who would I be without it? God told me once that I will have it to the end. He said, "It is useful to us," meaning him and me. I daresay it is a bit more useful to him than to me. God thinks differently than we do. But that has given me some comfort, to remember He said it is useful to us. He must have some purpose for my life planned to say that. So I like that.

I am learning in this spark program to be realistic about who I am and what I can do and cannot do. I already see that a 30 streak of anything for me is recipe for failure, and I have cooked up enough failure in this lifetime. So I think will manage my streaks by simply going as long as I can with them. Thats the idea, anyway, isn't it? That way I cannot fail with a streak. I will always succeed.

FAILURE. What does it mean? What does that word mean? In my life, I cannot see that it means anything at all. How can you fail at your own life? Who are you comparing yourself to? What can that possibly mean? Nothing.

Perhaps it is time for me to give myself permission to be alive. Every life has to be valid, uniquely and totally valid. Nothing else makes any sense. I have a right to be here. Why? Because I am here. The magic of life is within me. I remember my childhood, many rather wonderful miraculous days off playing in the woods, when I woke up every morning excited to be alive, could not wait to run outside and climb the hill, climb a tree, go on an adventure in the woods. One day I discovered quite by accident the sun dial! Stuck a stick in the ground and came back around noon and saw that the shadow of the stick was going around the stick, like a clock! Boy that was great. I could read the time by looking at the shadow of the stick, just like looking at a clock. What a moment that was for me. i will never forget it. I knew I had discovered something momentous and wonderful!

I knew back then instinctively that I had right to be alive. I don't know where I lost it, but I want it back. I have a right to be here. I have a right to be happy. I have a right because God says so. I do not have to apologize.

Life should not hurt. If life has hurt me, it has wronged me.

I have a right to be here. Life is MINE. It is mine. And I claim it.

When life hurt me, it wronged me. I REJECT that. I do not accept it. It happened, but it was not right. It was wrong. I have a right to reject it.

I am free. I am still that little girl that is free, and I have a right to do anything today that makes me happy.



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Member Comments About This Blog Post:
JENNEINAZ 8/4/2014 12:14PM

  You do have the right to be happy.

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RASPBERRY56 8/4/2014 6:39AM

    emoticon

emoticon

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DEBTEVELDAHL 8/4/2014 5:41AM

    Hi Sarah,

Another good blog! You will get the hang of this if you just keep at it. A streak of two days is still a streak. The important thing is you don't quit trying. You coming back every few days and trying new things to stay motivated is the way that you succeed. Of course you deserve a life and a life well lived. You deserve to be happy and in control of your destiny. I'm sorry that depression is a life long friend, but I truly believe that it has made you a stronger person for having to deal with it. Keep up your faith and keep believing. Take care and God bless, Deb emoticon emoticon

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COMPCHIC52 8/4/2014 4:14AM

    Matthew 6:33King James Version (KJV)

33- But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.


Jeremiah 29:11New International Version (NIV)

11 -For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

2 of some of my favorites........ emoticon



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