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    SUNSHINE65   93,161
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Retirement Options

Monday, August 04, 2014

You can retire to Phoenix, Arizona where...

1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade.

2. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.

3. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.

4. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door.

5. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!


You can retire to California where...

1. You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.

2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.

3. You know how to eat an artichoke.

4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.

5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.

6. The 4 seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud, and Drought.


You can retire to New York City where...

1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.

2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.

3. You think Central Park is "nature."

4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.

5. You've worn out a car horn. (If you have a car).

6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.


You can retire to Minnesota where...

1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco.

2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.

3. You have more than one recipe for casserole.

4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.

5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction.


You can retire to the Deep South where....

1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.

2. "Y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.

3. "He needed killiní" is a valid defense.

4. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Ellen, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc.

5. Everything is either "in yonder," "over yonder" or "out yonder."


You can retire to Colorado where....

1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.

2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and so he stops at the day care center.

3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.

4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.


You can retire in Iowa or Kansas where...

1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.

2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.

3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.

4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?"

5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was different!"


Lastly, you can retire to Florida where...

1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.

2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and cars.

3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.

4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.

5. Cars in front of you often appear to be driven by headless people.

Member Comments About This Blog Post:
LINOVER 8/16/2014 9:06PM

    Great! You made me laugh today!

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DS9KIE 8/16/2014 12:35AM

I love both and boy that is sooo true

tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!

heat" to "A/C" on the same day

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IMEMINE1 8/14/2014 7:15PM

    I loved Where's my coat at? BEcause... I talk like that I live in Pa. emoticon

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GIVEUP30 8/13/2014 10:21PM

    you sure do have the joke had to come back to subscribe

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GIVEUP30 8/13/2014 10:20PM


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GENRE009 8/7/2014 8:03PM

    Or you could retire to Detroit Michigan that has a high crime rate, and a high murder rate! Where life in the suburbs is fabulous, and the people are normal, and you can afford to live.

Comment edited on: 8/9/2014 1:23:12 PM

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CARRAND 8/4/2014 6:52PM

    Sometimes the best place to retire is where you are. I have good doctors, a good hairdresser, a good handyman, and a church that I love. Why would I go anywhere else?

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AQUAGIRL08 8/4/2014 5:06PM

    Cute, thanks for the laugh!

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PDSLIM 8/4/2014 12:53PM

    In NYC - a valid answer type or color of car - yellow taxi!

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IMUSTLOSEIT1 8/4/2014 9:40AM

    You got Iowa right, especially the AC and heat, but you forgot one. Where every car you meet the driver waves at you like you are an old friend.

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GINNABOOTS 8/4/2014 8:47AM

    Very funny!

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WOUBBIE 8/4/2014 8:40AM

    Granola is my favorite line!

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SANDRALEET 8/4/2014 8:04AM

    emoticon Funny

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VEG954 8/4/2014 7:26AM

  Love 'em!
Can relate to the Florida one.

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ZRIE014 8/4/2014 12:29AM

  i retired in oceanside, ca because of the weather. i would never retire in the south because my beliefs for civil liberties of all is different than theirs. i would not retire in florida because they are going to have major problems in the future. my aunt loved minnesota because she loved the winters which is opposite the weather in southern california. i could not retire in arizonia because of their method of handling the illegals.

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JAMBABY0 8/4/2014 12:25AM

    Thanks for sharing

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ALIHIKES 8/4/2014 12:10AM

    LOVE this! too true

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