Saturday, August 02, 2014
That is such a huge question! I am all over the place at the moment but I can say that I am making a little bit of progress in the right direction even as life throws some pretty wicked punches.
I decided that I needed to get a move on in the eating area and realised that my "won't power" is far to weak to rely upon at the moment so I needed help. Thank goodness for "Lite 'n' Easy" food delivery. At the moment I am back receiving the delivery of all my meals so that I get back into the routine of eating the correct portions as well as trying different food options to add variety to my otherwise boring eating habits. So far it is working well and I have started to see the scales move in the right direction! My weight desperately needs reducing and the upcoming shoulder surgery and my son's wedding have been motivating forces to get me moving in the right direction. I know that getting my food delivered is not going to be a long term solution, nor is it sustainable over the long haul( both financially and as a solution to my eating issues) but for now it is what I need to get going in the right direction.
My nephew's visit from the UK is almost over, just 10 days to go. Today we are picking him up in Sydney,after his past few days in Melbourne, and taking him out west to Bathurst, where he was born, for a couple of days. On our way home on Tuesday we will be showing him parts of our beautiful Blue Mountains. His last days will be spent doing some local day trips. His five weeks or so have been pretty busy and for me have been exhausting as the load has been mostly mine. I have discovered that I feel really pressured when my sister's kids have been to stay because I feel that my life is under the microscope while they are here and I worry about what she is thinking. Silly I guess, but a reality for me. When Stephen returns home I will feel much more relaxed. His trip hasn't been terrible by any means......it is all me that struggles. I am tense and on tenterhooks all the time.....one crazy lady here!!!!
I have managed some walking and will really try and get more exercise in after the Bathurst trip and Stephen's departure. So far I have lost almost 6 lbs ( 2.6) kgs so I am really pleased. I am hoping to lose at least 5 kgs by my surgery. My plan is stay with the food delivery while I am recovering so I don't eat with boredom or misery and then ,when I am feeling up to it, I will start on my own food again, by which time I hope portion sizes and variety will be set in stone and I will be able to maintain healthy eating habits.
Life and death happens and we all have to face some pretty big challenges from time to time. The handling of these challenges thrown our way is what is important, even when we don't understand or expect to face such events. My husband's niece was found dead on Wednesday night so he had to go with his sister to help identify her and help with all the police stuff. He is also going to be taking her funeral whenever her body is released. It has been a terribly sad few days as the whole family has tried to come to terms with a young person's unexpected and, for now, unexplained death. None of us can seem to get past the shock and loss. What good can possibly come out of such a tragedy? Why should we have to have such hard things? I have no answers but I know that in our lives there are things that happen from time to time that seem insurmountable but we do get through and often get stronger as a result. No one wishes for bad things to happen in anyone's life but rather then groan and moan about it, perhaps we need to concentrate a bit more on getting the courage to get up and keep going, keep fighting and living the best life we can, even though we have a million unanswered question going through our minds. I am sad and angry about our niece's death, sad for her mother's loss, concerned about our wider family's grief, and struggling to find the sense in any of it. However, I am choosing, this morning, to pick myself up, dust myself off, and to live my life a bit more fully from here on, to maybe live better, stronger and wiser, in honour of our girl who has lost her life at such a young age.