Thursday, July 31, 2014
I've reached the point in my journey that always inevitably shows up. It's the point of not wanting to measure and track every little thing that goes into my mouth. It's the point of not wanting to have to force myself to exercise. It's the point of frustration.
My parents will both talk about how they were so thin growing up. My dad was so skinny, despite eating everything in sight, that he had to swim with a shirt on because you could see his ribs. My mom was a size 2 when she was in high school and when I look back at old pictures of her I'm convinced that it was impossible for her to make any piece of clothing look ugly. They both talk about how they miss being able to eat whatever they want without the consequences of weight gain, high blood pressure, or sleep apnea. Granted, my mom is currently 5'2" and 125 lbs. My dad is 5'7" and a little pudgy but still not super overweight.
My brother and sister were always stick thin growing up. Even now, with both of them in their 30s and my sister has had a baby, they're still naturally slim. They got the good genes I guess. I, however, got the German genes which means I'm built like the stereotypical large breasted, broad shouldered, beer toting German woman.
Literally everyone in my immediate family at least can recall a time in their lives when they could eat whatever whenever and still stay stick thin. I don't have that. I became overweight when I was 6 years old and it's stuck with me ever since. I'm 23 now and I am all too familiar with fad diets, weight loss pills, and deprecation.
I've never been able to eat whatever and it's hard. I hate that I can't be as carefree as my skinny friends. I hate that this is a journey that literally does not end because it means that I will never get to binge will little consequence. I'm frustrated. This is the point at which I usually want to give up but I am trying my best to not do it again. Today I stepped on the scale and saw 10 lbs gone. I would hate to undo all that work because I'm frustrated, hurt, and upset. Instead, I am trying to spin it into a positive.
10 pounds down and now onto the next 10 pounds.
I apologize for such a downer of a post. I'm just tired of trying so hard to be the healthiest me when it seems like it's so much easier for many people around me. Hopefully a good night's sleep will help with my mood tonight.
Tomorrow is a new day with new chances to improve.
Have a good night, everyone. :)