Recovering from depression, and from regain
Wednesday, July 30, 2014
I went into a deep depression for most of last year, and I slipped back into comfort eating. I avoided the scales, I avoided spark people. I could not face what I was doing to myself. I got more and more unhappier with the bullying that occompanied the weight gain, I got angry and fed that anger with what ever I wanted.
Surfice to say I regained everything I had lost over the two years, and more.
I knew it, but I could not face it, so I just ate and ate.
Then early this year, around the time of my 30th birthday the fog started to lift. I started getting freelance work, I had a little money, enough to pay the rent. Every day was not an endless fog of despair.
I started to think that it was time to stop the binging, make changes, my roll of fat was getting in the way of the desk. But still I couldn't face the reality of the scales.
Then I decided to go back to visit my family after 3 1/2 years. It got real when I brought the ticket, I was going to have to face my mother, when the last time I had seen her I had been 70lbs lighter.
I got on the scales.
It was worse than I imagined, a new high of 126.5kg (278lbs).
Back to sparking. I know what to do, I done it before, time to do it now.
I set a target for when I go back home, no miracles can be done but so far so good. I'm a little behind on the goal but tbh that was a best case senario loosing 2lbs a week which I have not done.
Start June 2014 - 126.5kg
Currently Jul 28 2014 - 121kg
Goal of another 4kg in the next month is aaahhh maybe not but as close as I can get is good.
But the start of weight loss is the easiest, you got a few more cals to eat, weight falls off easily and nobody has noticed yet so no questions/bad advice/comments etc. But if it's the easy part I better enjoy it.
I guess there were a few lessons learnt through the regain, I'll make another post about them.
But I'm glad to be back sparking, rather than avoiding the issue. If that had carried on who knows where I'd have ended up.