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    SUNSHINE65   87,427
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Some funny late nite...

Sunday, July 27, 2014

I saw that Hillary Clinton visited the headquarters of Twitter and Facebook yesterday. Hillary would also have visited LinkedIn, but she already knows what job she wants. -Jimmy Fallon

Netflix is testing a new feature that will allow you to hide what you've been watching. You just click the button and it says, I want to stay married. -Conan O'Brien

Queen Elizabeth's horse tested positive for morphine and a mix of other powerful drugs. Sources say the queen is in denial. She thinks someone confused her horse's urine sample with Prince Harry's. -Craig Ferguson

A judge wrote an opinion today in favor of Obamacare, saying that getting healthcare from the state or federal government is the same as ordering from Pizza Hut vs. Domino's. Iím not sure I agree. THEIR websites always worked. -Seth Meyers

A JetBlue pilot was arrested this week and charged with heroin possession. Passengers could tell something was up when, during their flight, he announced, "To your left you'll see the Grand Canyon, and to your right you'll see a fire-breathing dragon." -Jimmy Fallon

There's a lot of speculation about the new iPhone. It's expected to have a larger screen and a better operating system. Yes, the new iPhone will be called last year's Samsung Galaxy. -Conan O'Brien

Happy birthday to England's Prince George, who turns 1 today. The princeís first birthday party was a little different. His bouncy castle was an actual castle. And the pony rides were on Camilla. -Craig Ferguson

Today, Secretary of State John Kerry traveled to Egypt and had to pass through a metal detector before he could meet with officials. Which is ridiculous. Everyone knows he's made of wood. -Seth Meyers

Edward Snowden is back with yet another spying scandal. In a new interview, Snowden revealed that NSA employees regularly pass around nude pictures of people they spy on. It got even weirder when German Chancellor Angela Merkel said, "So, vat do you think?" -Jimmy Fallon

"Star Wars" fans are very upset that the story line of the upcoming new "Star Wars" movie has been leaked. Apparently the movie starts with R2-D2, Chewbacca, and Han Solo all waking up in Vegas. -Conan O'Brien

When we landed on the moon everybody remembers what they were doing, and everybody remembers what Neil Armstrong said just before he left the capsule and stepped onto the surface of the moon. He said: "Out of my way, Buzz!" Whack! -David Letterman

The Chicago Cubs have filed a lawsuit against a man who got into a bar fight while unofficially dressed as the team's mascot. They could tell he wasnít affiliated with the Cubs because he won. -Seth Meyers

People love the new Pope, but I think it's safe to say he's gone crazy. Now he's thinking about doing away with celibacy for priests. Are you like me? Are you thinking "Real Housewives of the Vatican?" -David Letterman

It's a great day for a man in Brazil. He's 126 and has been called the world's oldest person. He says the highlight of his life was playing goalie for Brazil in this year's World Cup. -Craig Ferguson

Even though both Israel and Hamas fired on one another during the five-hour humanitarian period yesterday, the U.N. secretary general said both sides "mostly respected" the cease-fire. That's like leaving the house without pants and saying you're "mostly dressed." -Seth Meyers

Now the FCC wants to update the Emergency Alert System so the president can interrupt any TV program. 'We interrupt this program so the president can tell America what he had for lunch: a good bowl of matzo ball soup. This concludes today's presidential lunch update.' -Dave Letterman

A company in the U.K. is making news for developing a new vegetable called Brussel-Kale, which is a hybrid of Brussels sprouts and kale. They said, 'We got the idea from a child's nightmare.' -Jimmy Fallon

Today, Lay's announced that cappuccino is one of the finalists for their new chip flavor contest. And if you think that sounds bad, wait until you try Starbucks' new Sour Cream and Onion Latte." -Seth Meyers

Member Comments About This Blog Post:
GIVEUP30 8/17/2014 11:11AM


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DS9KIE 8/16/2014 12:43AM


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IMEMINE1 8/2/2014 6:46PM


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PDSLIM 7/28/2014 10:56PM


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IMUSTLOSEIT1 7/28/2014 1:53PM


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WOUBBIE 7/28/2014 10:58AM

    "...and the pony rides were on Camilla." LOL!!!

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TATTER3 7/28/2014 10:17AM


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SNS1968 7/28/2014 7:18AM


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VEG954 7/28/2014 7:02AM


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ALICIA214 7/28/2014 12:25AM


A lot of good ones. Thanks for sharing.....


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RENATA144 7/27/2014 11:47PM

  emoticon so much for the emoticon Jokes !!! I read & smiled at every word. emoticon emoticon

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