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STEPH-KNEE
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So Close, Yet So Far Away!

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Thursday, July 24, 2014



Since starting my "new plan" that I mentioned in my last blog, I have been weighing daily. I know I have talked many times about needing to break my daily weighing habit, because it typically makes me crazy! I let the scale affect my mood and sometimes even affect my progress (or lack thereof) for the entire day. But when I started this plan, I really wanted to document daily weigh ins. I wanted to see the daily fluctuations, specifically after my "carb nite" and find out long it would take for that fluctuation to go away. I have completed day 17, and have tracked my weight each day. The only REAL weigh in I document here on Spark is each Wednesday. I will say I have done a good job of not letting the weigh ins affect me, and I have found the fluctuations actually very interesting and informative.

But this morning when I got on the scale for my "official weigh in", I would lie if I said I wasn't a little disappointed. I was glad to see I had lost some weight this week... and even the fact it was only .8 pounds didn't bother me THAT much... It was that I was a mere .4 pounds away from claiming my 90 pounds lost trophy! I have been so close to that trophy several times, and then I always start eating my way back in the other direction. I hit 85 down in September, and here I am still fighting for that 90 pound mark! There was a part of me that really really wanted to claim it today, but it wasn't meant to be. Not only that, but today was my "carb nite" which means with the fluctuations I will be even farther away tomorrow. But I am still interested to see how this program will work, and I am just going to do what I gotta do. Time will tell if it is beneficial for me or not.

I will say the good thing to come out of this is I realized how much I really, really want that trophy! I really do care about my weight loss and hitting my goals. All the other times I got down around 185, I would start back pedaling. I'd get scared, sabotage, and start overeating. But this time I find myself wanting to push that much harder to get to where I want to go. I have so many things that are a stones throw away: 90 pounds down, 170's for the first time, Disneyland goal (177), 100 pounds lost, I mean really... they are all RIGHT THERE. But they won't come to me, I have to work hard and come to them... and I am finally feeling like I DESERVE to get there. I really believe so much of this journey is emotional/mental. The physical (eat better, exercise) really is nothing compared to this emotional journey that we are on. The mind games, the self sabotage, those nagging voices in our head that tell us we will fail... all of that is what makes this journey so hard! But each day that we don't quit we are showing those mean voices who is boss! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon


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