Wednesday, July 23, 2014
last weekend was supposed to be wonderful. it was the first weekend in i don't even know how long i didn't have anything planned. so i planned on getting caught up on housework. you name, it needs to be cleaned. i wanted to get a book shelf out of dd's room and into ours and put more toys in her room and less in the livingroom (we have a small house). pretty easy. i can clean the house in a day and still get food prep done in a weekend. well, i used to be able to, that is.
since dd was born i have not been able to keep up on housework. i get what needs to get done. laundry, bathrooms, etc. but the not-so-important things get shoved to the back burner and basically forgotten about. there's a lot of clutter now. every once in a while i go through a pile and sort it. but it never goes away, it shrinks and grows. it's a constant source of my stress. one of many. i was going to do something about it over the weekend.
saturday dh had a golf tournament in the morning. i was going to do her room while he was away and before naptime. she was a grump. she couldn't play by herself and be entertained by anything but me. well, scratch the room idea. by the time dh got home and her nap was over all motivation was gone. there's always tomorrow...
sunday i tackled her room early. i got laundry going, i was going to get this done! she "helped me" put things away and sort through her closet. we got quite a bit done. then i looked at one pile of stuff and thought, i'm tired, i can't do this anymore.
this was a scary thought. what the heck is wrong with me? a million diseases and illnesses ran through my mind, of course. i just figured, i don't have the energy. i'm a lazy slob who can't keep her house work up. better than a scary disease, right?
monday i was working on bills. what i was going to pay and how. then it hit me. i'm overwhelmed. i'm so stressed and there is so much that needs to be done that i just can't handle it anymore. even the smallest tasks seem huge. i give up when the idea of doing something becomes too much.
is this the answer to my working out issues? does the idea of getting up at 4, putting on workout clothes, putting a dvd in the player and then actually doing the activity make me want to burrow under the covers? sometimes my meal plan seems too much when i have to take it from paper to reality. my lack of motivation is starting to become clear.
it seems if something isn't part of my daily routine (shower) and may take me a bit longer (shaving my legs) i just don't want to do it.
so how do i fix it? well, not much i can do about money right now. just keep chipping away at the pile of debt. but i can get my house cleaned and get it to a manageable state once again.
yesterday i went home and cleaned one counter of the kitchen. i cleaned the area where clutter gathers but also where i do all my prep work. i threw away receipts i no longer need, grocery lists that were of no use any longer, piled up recipes and moved them to another location to be filed. i scrubbed the counter and cleaned the fruit bowl. it's all nice and sparkly now. tonight i'll clean the other kitchen counters. it may take me weeks to clean the house at this rate, but i feel this is more doable and less all consuming. i usually make a list of everything i need to do cause i love crossing things off as i do them. but right now it's just too much.
i really hope this recent discovery takes a load off and helps me get on track with my fitness and keeps me going with my healthy cooking. too often picking up pizza seems so much easier than making dinner.