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    COMMIT2MYSELF   11,122
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oh my! It was amazing, but today is SCARY.


Wednesday, July 23, 2014

My fiance went to work at 3:30am and got home at 1:30 p.m. what a LONG day for him! Not to mention that he didn't get much sleep the night before, it's hard to adjust to that schedule. So even going to bed at 11 means that there's only 3 hours of sleep for him :( But, you know what? He got home relaxed for a few minutes and said, "You know what? Let's go to the lake." I got excited like a kid on his or her birthday! By the time we left it was 2:30 got there around 3p.m. (We had to gas up and get cold drinks).

We got there and I got much needed sun. (I'm severely vitamin D deficient, I have to take prescribed vitamins right now for it) The cool clear lake waters and the gorgeous mountains. Now I've lived all over the United States from Hawaii to Indiana and as far south as Louisiana. I've also spent time in Mexico. Now Hawaii is a gorgeous paradise, don't get me wrong, but there is something about our Arizona Mountains that just, doesn't compare to ANYWHERE else I've been. (that includes our sunsets.) We spent nearly 2 hours at the lake just floating and talking. It was a pretty happy AMAZING time. I've been so stressed lately, who knew that this small choice he made would be such an AMAZING thing. I loved it. We try to go once a week, but usually on his day off, and lately we've had a lot of errands to run and things to do.

Today I have to talk to the doctor about surgery, again. :( I do not want to do it, but I am open to HEARING about what they plan to do if I allow them to do surgery. The main thing is I had a serious 16 pound mass that took over my right ovary. All I have left is the left one, and the mass or growth or cyst hasn't really grown. But I did have to do another ultrasound to make sure that it hasn't grown yet. Their major concern is my CA125 levels keep being more than double what is normal. Only one month since they started it was it normal range. My endometrial biopsy came back negative for cancer, which I knew already. But this growth, I keep asking them to work around it, work with me. I don't want to have surgery again, I HATED IT. I hated feeling so helpless and I mean, I couldn't even WIPE myself when I went potty! I'm a very VERY large girl and my fiance had to wash me.... It was so personal..... I was upset, I've never really been that bare open to anyone before, and he just washed me all over and rinsed and was amazing, but I never want to be in that position again. Furthermore, there is a chance that they could damage the ovary and it's the only one I have left.

I don't have kids. I wanted to wait until I turned 30 to start having them. I turn 30 in 30 days. I'm already struggling to just to save the ONE ovary I have left. The doctors say my uterus is really good, they say my ovary is functioning normally and that's great, but why can't they find another way to work around this thing. For all they know it could just be a regular cyst, but all their lab work makes them concerned. Stupid labwork.

I'm glad I got to go to the Lake :) I definitely needed it yesterday. I wasn't frustrated once we got to the lake and I wasn't again until now. Knowing my appointment is in a few hours. This will be the first appointment I've had, since we've been together, that he wasn't with me. I needed to do this on my own, but it's still weird, not having him there with me. The last time I went he had stepped out to the truck when they called me back, and they all said "Oh, you're alone today? We never see you alone." This time, I actually will be alone.

Just a picture standing in the lake looking at our mountains.


Another awesome shot of our rockish mountains hiding our desert oasis! It was only 114 yesterday ;)


We brought our matching chairs and sat by the tree enjoying the view as we dried off.



The drive there, I love these mountains with all the white rock in them.



This is the skies during Sunset :) so pretty.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post:
SOUTHLACAJUNGAL 8/3/2014 10:49AM

    Prayers for you.
You have my sympathy. After many cysts and two surgeries I finally was able to have my angel. Hopefully you will also.

You live in a beautiful place.

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4ANEWME2DAY 7/23/2014 11:16AM

    emoticon pictures!!Glad you enjoyed time together reflecting.
Remember you are never alone, God will be with you. Your sparkfriends are with you. emoticon emoticon
emoticon wishes that your tests will show nothing serious.
Your fiance loves you very much. Togetherness through good times and bad times build a love no other person can break. Stay together. emoticon

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