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Personal stress taking me down - you may want to skip this one.


Monday, July 21, 2014

I've been feeling down for a while now. I can pinpoint the exact time this hit, and why this time.

I went into Regina to go dancing. It was a Tuesday evening. Hubby was working, so I didn't even bother to invite him. I went. Had a lesson, and danced for an hour. Then came home.

As I was driving home, I realized just how happy I was. My heart was happy.

Then I got home. Hubby and I got into a fight. He's always in a mood when I come back from dancing, but this was a bad one. When he started listing off all the reasons I shouldn't go dancing, I told him enough. I paid for the gas. I drove myself there and back. I didn't ask him for any $$. I knew he would not take time off work to go with me. I told him all of this. I also told him I'm sick & tired of him finding excuses to be upset when I go. Enough is enough. I was tired of him expecting me to give up everything to be here. My kids are too far away. I don't ride my motorcycle here - I don't feel safe and he doesn't want me to. Now he expects me to give up dance? NO friggin way.

So I've been down since that night. I've had a lot on my mind. I've been trying to decide if I can be happy here or not. I still don't know. It's been weeks. I don't think I'll ever know.

Hubby's a good man. If I can't make it work with him, I won't date again. Forget it. It just won't work out anyway.

I've been trying to realize that there may be a way I can be happy here. I won't give up dancing, and if hubby expects that, I will have to go. Plain and simple. But there must be a way for me to be okay with the rest of it. To find peace.

I am not sure I can. I've been trying.

Today my daughter texted me. She needs help. Hubby and I had this fight before. He's not okay with her coming here.

So I guess that's it. I've got to find a place for me to live. If hubby really becomes an ass about it, I'll loose everything I own. I have to start over without a vehicle or anything.

I can't keep doing this. But my kids come first. It's that simple. I may be willing to try to compromise who I am, but if my kids need me, I have to go.

I don't know if I can do this.
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RENLLY 7/21/2014 2:16PM

    It's not unreasonable to want to do something fun for yourself once in a while. Also to be there for your kids and help them in any way you can.

Make some plans and stand strong. You should never have to compromise who you are.

You can do this - and maybe the marriage will survive, maybe not - but you need to love and respect yourself.

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POSITIVEHOPE 7/21/2014 2:13PM

    Sorry you are so conflicted. You stated your problems very clearly. You and to go dancing because it makes you happy. You are willing to share that experience with hubby but he refuses. You don't want to give up going dancing. Your kid needs you and your hubby doesn't agree on a solution to her problem that works for you. You find the stress of your kids unmet needs unbearable.
Instead of searching for solutions to these issues alone, why not ask hubby to offer you solutions and if he can't offer any workable solutions ask him to find a third party that might be able to suggest some solutions.
I hope you find some peace.

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LWILKINS60 7/21/2014 2:05PM

    Good for you for standing up for yourself!

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