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    DETERMINEDJANET   144,415
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Sunday, 7/20/14

Sunday, July 20, 2014



When I saw this quote the first time I did not like it at all, but today I am totally there. What I am fearing the most right now is my son not having an independent future, but today I love that it means it is important to me. However, as this quote indicates, this means this particular issue is where I am not fully trusting God. This message came today after an evening of sharing with two good friends who are also moms of kiddos on the autism spectrum and then two messages this morning on prayer (in class and worship). Before I saw this quote again today I had figured out something about me so I think God's "hammer" was well placed. (I always laugh that He has to hit me over the head with a hammer several times for me to get it.)

What I've realized is that part of my trouble with Isaac is the same old loop called "You aren't good enough." I've heard it all my life in different ways and even though I know that isn't the truth about me, it is easy to fall into. Lately it has been so discouraging knowing that Isaac is choosing to be okay with not putting effort into working on things regarding his autism that he is totally capable of doing (even at the age of almost 10) and then with the additional white lies/excuses about things it has been so frustrating and difficult. So what I've figured out is this has become another "you're not good enough" time for me because I don't know what else I can do/try. When I told Tim about it he said, "You're doing all you know to do and you can't be responsible for his choices." I get it, but when you've lived with the stronghold of not being good enough it is hard to say "I'm okay with it." At least I know a place to begin if I ever get myself to a counselor! So...this day I am changing my prayers and must make myself focus on the fact that I have done what I could and his choices are not a reflection of me whether the outside world thinks otherwise. We all know the world usually isn't even watching! LOL

The afternoon has been quiet for me and that's been wonderful. Maegann was at Dakota's (a friend from church) all afternoon so the rest of us went to Lowe's (didn't find the tools Tim needed) and then to Costco. We bought a year membership and will monitor it to see if it is worth the money or not. They are finally getting more gluten-free options and everyone has been telling me that their meat is better than the grocery stores and now that we don't have a way to raise our own anymore that is a definite need. Better meat & poultry!

Maegann is now swimming with her friend's youth group and the boys are out working in the yard again. More quiet minutes for me!

Tomorrow.... Vet appointment for nail trims (easy now that it is only 5 min. from home) at 10, swim lessons at 11:35 and school in and around those. I think Maegann and I will head to Costco in the evening just to get that task accomplished.
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DOROTHYBERO 7/21/2014 4:45PM

    emoticon

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BLESSED2BEME 7/21/2014 11:46AM

    I always said God has to knock me up side the head to get my attention. I like your hammer theory better though. Great quotes.

I went through a lot of the "I'm not good enough" for my son because of the addiction issues he had and a lot of 'where did I screw up". It all comes down to the fact we do our best with what we have and they make their own choices no matter what we do to teach them or lead them in a particular direction. Isaac is so blessed to have you for a Mom...many a mom would have just given up by now.

We love our Costco membership.

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LINTPICKER 7/21/2014 8:55AM

    great quotes. We each have our struggles with that!

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MUSICMOMOF2 7/21/2014 8:27AM

    Hugs Janet! I think that you are on your way to healing. I will be praying for you!

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NELLIEC 7/20/2014 10:36PM

    With Jason, I knew he was (and is) a genius. However, I do know that some aspects of being "independent" are difficult for him. What is a relief to me is that at least 2 of his sisters have been willing to help him when needed, and of course, I help as much as I can. He is now 41 and his major difficulty has been having a steady job. Unfortunately even though he has a master's degree in biology, there aren't very many jobs in that field that are year round full time. So now he has taken advantage of the fact he served our country in the Navy and has veteran's preference and is working on de-constructing a ship. That is definitely a long term job! He still feels disappointed that he isn't working in his chosen field. I keep praying for God to direct him.

I know that at some point I will leave this life. It could be soon or it could be a long time. But I am leaving all my children in God's care.

The Costco idea seems like it could be a benefit to your family. I hope you find good bargains there!

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DETERMINEDJANET 7/20/2014 9:27PM

    PinkTwinkleLove~They would totally feel "not good enough." In my opinion, I would imagine consistent sexual assault would be much worse than the verbal assault I had for years, but they are both very damaging in their own way. Stuff like this is so hard and so varying.....

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PINKTWINKLELOVE 7/20/2014 9:11PM

    This is nuce but if you were say 5 years old and say gor instance your dtrp father constantly sexually assulted a girl for say 3 years how else would they feel

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AJB121299 7/20/2014 8:36PM

    nice

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