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    COMMIT2MYSELF   10,935
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Extremely emotional night


Sunday, July 20, 2014

Last night my fiance wanted a late night snack so we agreed to go out and get one. As we're pulling out of our parking lot we see something in the middle of the road. It's a man laying in the middle of the road, it didn't look like he was breathing, my fiance shook him, nudged him, tried to wake him, but he was unmoving. So I called 911 I explained the situation and they sent a fire truck first. We were sitting in our truck with the headlights on and my fiance was by the guy in the road, so they stop just 5 feet short of his body and try to wake him too. Shaking him hard and saying SIR! WAKE UP! SIR! and all of a sudden he jumps up like he's going to fight them and starts screaming. They tell him to calm down and he lays back down.

He is screaming "what the hell do you want!? I'm trying to do this right! Give me a damn gun so I can do this!" the firemen ask "do you know that you're in the middle of the street?" He still screaming says "of course I know I'm not stupid, I want to die! Now go away so I can do this right!" and they reply "well sir you know you're in the middle of the street and we can't leave you here." He starts screaming again about how he was in Vietnam and he killed people and he can't live like this anymore and he is ready to die. That they don't have any right to be bothering him and he doesn't know why they are there. I don't know why but I got really emotional. His voice was so angry and sad at the same time. Then he stood up and said he was done with this, he said "If I don't do it here tonight I'm going to do it tomorrow so I'm just going home." Then the ambulance showed up and they kept blocking him from running away. The paramedic said "Because of what you said here tonight we can't let you go home, you understand? If anything happened to you we would be responsible." He said "then why the hell are you here? I want to die, you don't know what I went through in vietnam!" the fireman responded "So you want to lay here on the ground and possibly a car with a family and kids runs you over-" the stranger cuts him off "Yes that's what I want!" the fireman continues "You want that on their heads? on their conscience for ever?" the stranger takes a moment to reply and says again "You don't know what happened over there! You have no idea!" There's now four all together between paramedics and firemen. They all tell him that they don't, that they are grateful for his sacrifice to allow them to have their jobs and stuff.

He keeps saying that he is just going to go home, he says he has an appointment with the VA and the mental health place in town, that they need to just take him home. they tell him, he has two options. Go to the hospital and go to jail. He refuses both. Then a police officer shows up and he says "I'm not going to jail, take me to the hospital." I don't know why but I'm fighting tears this entire time. He finally gets in the ambulance still cursing and yelling about needed to turn his A/C down in his house.

A fireman walks over to our truck and says that if we had not been standing by him they would have ran him over, they didn't see him. They all left and we left too. All I kept thinking is that this is someones dad, or grandpa, doesn't he have friends or family? Why does he feel so alone? So angry? I just wanted to tell him that it doesn't need to be this way. My fiance wanted to tell him that if he needs a friend, that he has one. I just feel so upset. I know Im too soft, but it is horrible.

I posted to facebook about this and my family replied that the helpless and sad feeling that I got is exactly how they feel when I say I want to disappear and give up on everything. It made me realize the impact one person can have. Although people don't know my entire story I have felt the way that man felt. I don't know his story, but I sure wish I could do something to let him know how important he is to the world. How much this moment changed me.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post:
COMMIT2MYSELF 7/21/2014 3:07PM

    Thank you all so much for your comments and support, I'm still emotional thinking about it. Thank you all.

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NICKI984 7/20/2014 3:47PM

    I would have been emotional too. That poor man! My great grandpa was over there in Vietnam and when he started getting really sick (cancer) he kept holding on and suffering and nobody knew why. One day he asked for the whole family to get together with him at the hospital. When we were all there he told us that he could not go unless he had some kind of peace about the things he has done. He had tears in his eyes as he had told us some stories about the things that had happened over there but the reason why he was holding on is because the guilt he felt for killing one specific man. He said he and his men were starving they hadn't eaten in days and they came across a man who was cooking a pot of rice, (he did not say if this man was a soldier or civilian) and they made the decision that they could not just take some of the rice or all of the rice and walk away leaving this man alive because he would give away their position. They took the rice and killed him. My grandpa never told anyone that story but he knew that if he didn't come clean he would not be able to let go. My grandpa died 2 hours after he told us his story. I guess what I'm trying to say is you are right, it is very sad. I pray that man finds someone to talk to so he can get a little peace. Things were terrible over there and people had to do things to stay alive that they are ashamed of. I really hope this man has family or friends and decides to get some of his pain out. I'm glad you were there to save this man's life.

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POSITIVEHOPE 7/20/2014 3:13PM

    He felt he just wanted his misery to end. You guys just stood by him. The paramedics, firefighters and police stood with him and reminded him that what he was trying to do would put that same burden on another family.
We are all connected even when we feel the most alone. That experience made you remember the moments that you felt most alone. Now let that experience help you to realize how connected you are. Your blog help connect me today.

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STILLMENEWBODY 7/20/2014 1:59PM

    That was a pretty traumatic thing to have happened. Of course you are emotions. Of course you start assessing your own feelings and why at times you have felt the way this poor man did. I pray he ends up getting the help he needs. As for you, I am glad we are here for you to share with. These may be cries for help but we can never underestimate what the mind can do to us. I wish you health, healing and happiness. Take care of you! emoticon

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TWESTEN1 7/20/2014 1:21PM

    Wow - that was quite an experience. Thankfully you guys were there & helped save his life. It is heartbreaking when people just want to give up on their lives... sounds like he was also still dealing with pdsd. Hopefully he gets help.

I'm glad the moment made a difference in your life too. And I'm glad your family & friends let you know how important you are to them too! Never forget that.

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