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Tuesday, July 15, 2014

I hate being stressed. These past couple of weeks I have been so stressed that my body is becoming weak and I just want to sleep. My grandmas meds are making her a little weird so she has been sleeping on and off all day and then up all through the night. This wakes my aunt up and her yelling at gram to go to bed is waking me up. I watch my cousins little girl twice a week so when I watch her I also have to keep an extra eye on gram because she feeds her big bites and lets her play with EVERYTHING. Gram loves this little girl to the point of her calling her her great grand baby so I try not to yell at her.

Yesterday she fell in her room and never yelled out so she sat on the floor for over an hour, almost 2. I feel bad for not checking on her but I was, just not opening the door. I would listen at the door and I heard her breathing/snoring so I thought I didn't have to open the door. I had to wait for my cousin to get here to help me get her up and that felt like forever. Then last night I help her with her shower which I hate. we have a soaker tube so its hard for her to get in. We also have a bench for her but that takes up room. I would love to redo the bathroom but we have to do the roof first. The roof should have been done when we first moved here 7 years ago. After that we need to do the driveway. I wish I could put money into this stuff but I have no money and I cant really get a job right now since I watch my grams and I watch my cousin 2 sometimes 3 times a week. I do get paid for that but its only like $1.10 an hour and I watch her for 9 hours. I use to watch her for 12 and I still got paid the same. I feel like I need more because its soooo stressful to have to keep an eye on gram with her. I was talking with my other cousin who had a babysitting job in High School and she told me she got $90 a day once. I got $90 a month once for watching her for over 80 hours. I am grateful for what she does give me but at the same time she knows how bad I need the money. She does have another babysitter and I always wonder how much she gets paid. My cousin is a nurse so she moves between 2 places. One place is near me and the other near the other babysitter. On average I get $40 a month for watching her 6 times (42 hours) A couple weeks ago she ask how I would feel watching 2 kids. My heart dropped and I got so stressed. My first thought was how my grandma would be with the 2 kids. Then I thought about my pay. Would I get paid the same or would it get doubled? Knowing my cousin it would stay the same. My little cousin is 15 months right now and she said that they wouldn't be trying to get pregnant until she was 2. My gram might be better by then but if I get paid the same I would feel like Im being taking advantage of. Ill be 32 this year and I don't even have $200 to my name. We don't have a bus line where we live and I don't have a car. My life is so stressful right now but it doesn't compare to other people going through a lot more worse things then me.

I just need to vent and get this stuff out. The only other person I talk to about all this is my aunt and she is in a lot more stressful situations then I am.
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