Tuesday, July 15, 2014
I have been having a rough time lately. I'm pretty sure I'm depressed, but don't worry, I'm already in therapy to try to get things figured out.
I cry a lot, especially at little stressors or big ones. All I want to do is stay at home, not go to work or do anything.
Recently, I have been working on trying to build my client base for my yoga business. For about two months now, I have been putting up fliers, posting all over the internet where I can, etc. I have on average 1-2 people show up, and they are friends and family. So I often feel like they are just doing that to support me, that I'm not a great instructor.
This past Thursday I discovered that things are changing at the studio. The owner will no longer be around like he has been and has asked the one other instructor and me to cover the cost of rent.
I have two options now. Step up and cover rent, or run away. My honest inclination is to run away, because $200 a month is a lot for me, when I only have a student or two each week. But then I feel bad about leaving the other instructor in the lurch. She has had her business for a while, so the increase won't hurt her all that much. For me, it means reworking my budget so I can cover everything in case something awful happens and I have no students.
Anyway, with this news, I have been a ball of tears. I can barely function. I'm so nervous about the future. What if I can't get students? What if the owner completely leaves and the rent goes up more? What will happen if I back out? Will the other instructor who teaches me belly dance be ok with that? With the amount of money I need, what if I take a day off from class and miss out?
I am trying my best to not worry, to let it go and go with the flow, but money (or lack thereof) is a huge stressor for me. I have an appointment with my therapist tomorrow, so hopefully she can help me out.
My point for writing this all out is I know everyone has times like these. I am tired of thinking that everyone has a perfect life but me, and thinking there is something wrong with me. Everyone puts out a special face in public, when in reality they have doubts all the time. I think we should be real with our issues, and help each other out. Don't judge people for not being able to cope with everything that comes their way. Support them and lift them up.
Feel free to comment about your worries on this thread. We can have this one to let things out and move on :)