Tuesday, July 15, 2014
I hate when I have days like today. I wake up feeling down. Then the day to day stresses attack me while I'm down. I try to get a grip of whats going on around me but all the "have to do's" distract me. I need a break, too many of them. Sometimes I cant focus on any one thing at a time because I am trying to figure out, of all the things that are weighing me down, which should be tackled first. I become so overwhelmed I malfunction. So I sit, and I look for more of a distraction... browse the internet, online shopping... It only leads me to become even more deeper in my overwhelming pit...
I can't wait for both of the kids to be in school. I'm not sure how people have more than two children. Having two seems so unfair to both them and I. Not enough time in a day to get it all done and provide sufficient attention to both. Especially when one is special needs and actually NEEDS the extra attention.
When it comes to my son, I sometimes feel like giving up on it all... all the therapists coming in my home... the 4:30am wake-ups and 5:45 school bus pick ups. The follow up appointments with all these "specialists." I don't give up because I can't cheat my baby out of a life that is at its full potential. I've seen people like him grow to be very inverted and aggressive... with him already showing signs of aggression, I need to do everything I can possibly do to mold him into a self sufficient and mostly independent man. I know he can do it, and I know that the responsibility is my own. It's enough to make me... well, fat. Which brings me here... and on pinterest browsing motivational pictures that make me want to hop on my treadmill... and then I remember... therapist coming in an hour... have to make sure my son is with a full stomach and the house is somewhat decent.
I keep telling myself things will be different in September... but I have a feeling it will be worse. I start my fifth college semester and the course material only gets harder. So while the kids are away in school, I will be studying, or doing exams, or reading and working on 5 page long assignments. At least I wont have my 4 year old jumping and whining and smacking my back because she is "thirsty" (her cup is always full when this happens).
Well I've put enough time into getting my thoughts out. So now I will reread this to reflect and go work on the dishes and kids lunch before therapy of the day #1 shows up...
Have a blessed day!