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    ECKOKITTEN   13,384
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20lbs down..kindof sortof

Sunday, July 13, 2014

Today was my weigh in and I am at 210.2 down 1.2lbs from last week. Sucks because yesterday I weighed in at 209.something but meh today is my official weigh in day so be it. It may just mean a better number next week :)

Today's weigh in is kindof bittersweet. It puts me at 20 lbs lost since my starting weight...way way back in 2009. Since then I have lost and regained. My lowest being 189-185 somewhere around there. And being back up to 215 and 210 countless times.

But I am counting it as rehitting the 20lbs down mark. Perhaps I am retracing my steps. But I am losing. I am moving forward. I will never have to see that 20lbs down mark again. Its all forward from here out.

Right? Because with this comes a whole mix of fear! Last time 2009, I was first diagnosed with diabetes and pcos and I was a rockstar out of the gate just like now. I was taking my meds. I was working out, I was eating right. I was losing the weight and being amazing. And then I lost it all. One little wrench snowballed into a bunch of small things putting kinks and issues into my routine and I crumbled.

The difference now is that I am treating my bipolar and seeing a therapist. But that also means I am so much more going on. Will I snap under the pressure of it all?

I can't control everything. This time I am able to get to the doctor on my own riding the bus so I don't have to worry about dragging my DH everywhere and him being tired waiting around at my appointments. But money is always an issue. Even with insurance we still pay a pretty penny. One of my meds is fairly expensive. The others are not but when you are taking 5/6 pills a day they sure add up.

And I am not doing as well as I had hoped. It is a struggle to eat right. I had a binge the other day. Yesterday I ate too much. This isn't just physical it is mental and emotional and it sucks and is so damn difficult.

I think I could do perfect if life was simple and smooth. I have a routine I can plan. But when life starts throwing curve balls at me I am lost. I crumble. I just do not know how to take it and bounce back.

Idk today I am determined to have a good day. I am down in weight. I am happy. I am about to go take a walk. Hopefully I can do 2 miles again.
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NEELIXNKES 7/19/2014 5:37PM

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SOOKIE 7/15/2014 10:06AM

    Keep doing what your doing and work the plan, don't allow the plan to work you. Your doing great!

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CATTUTT 7/13/2014 3:18PM

    Great job on the 1.2! I know what you mean about getting thrown off track easily. So do I. It doesn't take much. But I have total faith we can do this!

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SYNKYTTEN 7/13/2014 9:18AM

  You can do this! We all have such faith in you!!!!

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MSHEL7 7/13/2014 9:15AM

    You're doing great and that is because you keep on keeping on. Every day that you work your plan you get somewhere, you may not see weight loss, but you are reaching a goal and sometimes we don't even know the goals until we meet them and then it is so cool and a sort of ah ha moment.

Good luck with your meds and stuff, I know how hard having extra issues is, they sometimes give me setbacks as well. I hit 30 down again. I've been here before, a couple of times, and it is scary, what will happen, will I continue on or ?? In the past its been ?? I think we just have to give each day the best we can.

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MAINEALI 7/13/2014 8:13AM

    It seems like I always weigh better the day before my official weigh in day. Bummer!

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