A few months ago, I promised, via a blog, to share some lessons learned from my visits to a very helpful therapist. This is a therapist who has restored my belief that therapy is a useful tool. Well, she and a friend of mine who is also in the profession and who is a very balanced, wise, kind person who seems to really help the people she sees. Let's face it, some of us know some people who bill themselves as counselors or therapists, or who possess advanced degrees in psychology or psychiatry, who are NOT people we wish to rely upon or bare our souls to. I have known a few who really caused me to look askance at therapy. Anyhow, back to A., a woman with great sense of humor and the willingness to really listen to me and engage with me. Frankly, I don't want to fork over a $55.00 co pay for 50 minutes of someone looking at me blankly and repeating the phrase "and how did that make you feel?"
So, at our most recent visit, I was telling her about my current state of deep acceptance, and renewed willingness, to really face my reality. Truly accepting that I have eaten my way to the point that my one and only precious body is being forced to drag around 30-50 pounds of excessive, unappealing, uncomfortable, taxing fat. I shared with her something that I am reluctant to admit, that makes me squirm a bit, actually. And, yes, since I mentioned it, I am going to share it with you, Sparkly ones. I have mentioned, many times, to you all, to my friends and family, and to A., my kind therapist, my "wonky" thyroid. I dug deep, shoved my ego aside, found a bit of courage, and asked A. "Do you think I hide behind my malfunctioning thyroid? Do you think I use it to excuse my current state of obesity like some addicts I know use the excuse of a "bad back", to get pain pills and more pain pills?" (Note: I also know other people with terribly painful back problems for whom pain meds are necessary for mobility and quality of life - I do not confuse the two groups, believe me - I have great compassion for that kind of suffering.) As I further explained to A. "My wacky thyroid does NOT order pizza. It does NOT visit the cupcake store. It does NOT stop at the convenience store for salty sugary silliness." So, I am on to my self, in terms of wanting to make that stupid little butterfly shaped gland the bad guy in this struggle. It is not THE cause. It may not help but it sure isn't the main problem. There are a lot of people who have similar ailments who are NOT dragging 30-50 extra pounds around, because they are willing to make the sacrifices necessary to compensate for the issue. So, there you have it. One more step on the road out of Denial Land. Honestly, it's a relief.