Wednesday, July 09, 2014
I spend a lot of time thinking...and not acting. During my commute, I spend my time in my car thinking about all the great things I'm going to do, and then I don't. Every night before bed, I set out my workout clothes and plan to get up...and I don't. I look in the mirror in the morning and think about how puffy my face is and how unflattering my haircut is now...and do nothing. I see myself in a picture and get depressed...and still do nothing.
I just don't seem to know how to get past the negative and focus on the positive. I don't know how to make those thoughts change into positive actions. I don't know how to love myself for what I am now...and in doing so, take care of myself.
I'm writing this now just in hopes of getting the thoughts out and in the open. I worry about myself. I worry about diabetes. I've been diagnosed as prediabetic and still do nothing. I'm certain I'm diabetic now...but am afraid to find out. And I do nothing.
So, here I am...returning to Spark. Trying to find my Spark. The one that is inside of me...dim...but there. I want to get past this. I want to be healthy. I want to be a success story! I just don't know how to get there.
Today, I'm going to take 1 small step. I'll restart the Spark program. I have to do this...for me...for my sanity...for my health...for my kids...for my family...for my husband.
I'm here. I'm present. I'm looking for my spark.