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    ECKOKITTEN   13,235
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Feeling like my life revolves around food...

Wednesday, July 09, 2014

I sat here last night just alittle while after eating dinner feeling hungry even though it just isn't possible that I really needed more food, I am having a realization that my life revolves around food. I am constantly thinking about food as if I were starving and just dreaming about eating again.

I make bad decisions. I don't know why.I know the right choice, the right options, the right answer and yet I continue to choose the wrong one. Is it self sabotage? Is it just weakness? Am I just defective?

I read a quote that said:

"If you don't sacrifice for what you want, what you want becomes the sacrifice"

Why can't I do it? Why can't I give up instant gratification for the long term ones? Maybe because things never work out for me. So I feel like it is never really going to happen. Or I am just weak. I really don't know.

I am having a bad day if you couldn't tell.

To begin with I am stressed out. With my anxiety it is hard for me to stand up for myself or to say anything when I feel I should. So I really hate feeling like I am being taken advantage of, walked on, etc... my roommate is making me feel this way though. Last night I had all the dishes done, kitchen cleaned after dinner. Well he & his GF come in and cook and make a huge mess & leave a bunch of dirty dishes in the sink. I am irritated to say the least. I tell my husband and he suggests I wait to be angry because they just finished eating and maybe they will clean it up later. But I knew he wouldn't because they never do.

Morning comes...the kitchen is still a mess, dishes still in the sink, roommate is now at work.

I can understand not wanting to do dishes the second you finish cooking/eating. But I can't just leave them there all day long. Our kitchen isn't big. I will need to get to the sink to cook, wash my own dishes, etc... So now I am pissed off and obsessing over being pissed off.



It doesn't help that I am just in a funk. Everyday now I am all up and active and positive in the morning. But then some time after lunch I just crash hard. I get tired, restless oh so restless. I feel bored but like nothing sounds interesting to do. I have a hard time focusing.

I think part of it is being tired from waking up early and being active. My body is not used to either lol. But I also think it may be because I am active in the morning and get everything done and then I have nothing to do the rest of the day but sit.

I can't walk in the afternoon, if it isn't raining it is way too hot for that craziness. I can't do videos and stuff because I am too embarrassed to do so with a house full of people and no privacy. But come late evening I can walk. So that is my goal right now to walk in the evening even if I am dead tired just get up and go as far as i feel like.

I have my second therapy session today. So nervous and I've already been once so I shouldn't feel this awful. I really like her too so idk. I have alot to talk about though.

On the bright side yesterday my FBS was 122 & this morning it was 121. The lowest yet!! Goal #2 test more after I eat and before.
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CATTUTT 7/9/2014 2:13PM

    I SO feel your pain. I also feel like my life revolves around food. Like I am constantly counting down til the next time I get to eat. I can't rely on my body's hunger signals, I have to eat by the clock. Cause my body tells me I'm hungry all the time. It's so frustrating.

Sorry to hear your roommate is a poop. I'd be so annoyed about the uncleaned kitchen and dishes. I think you're fully justified in being mad.

I really hope the therapist said something today that made you feel better!

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MSHEL7 7/9/2014 9:40AM

    Are you eating enough good carbs in the morning to keep you from crashing mid afternoon? Sometimes when I don't eat the right breakfast I crash hard and have such a blasted bad attitude and find that if I eat some good carbs, like apples, berries, etc. that I do much better. You might play with your breakfast or mid morning snack and see what happens. You might just not be getting enough cals either.

As far as the room mates, I would certainly want to kick some serious butt. Not sure you can do that though, sometimes we are the wash cloth and just get used!! I'm sorry that they are not helping out more. When I am in that situation I try to be kind and let it go, and then usually end up with a melt down all over people. By that time it's too late and they really get a piece of my mind. Maybe you could leave a note on the sink or something when it is clean that says something like the dishes are yours to do next time, or maybe you, your husband and your roommate need to sit down and sketch out some rules, or reiterate the rules. Good luck with it whatever happens.

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LEANJEAN6 7/9/2014 7:22AM

    Don't get discouraged--It eventually all fits into place---Don't put yerself down because this is a learning trip-----You CAN do this!--Lynda emoticon

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NYARAMULA 7/9/2014 7:19AM

    emoticon

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ELRIDDICK 7/9/2014 7:06AM

  Thanks for sharing

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