First of all, I want to say thank you so much to all of you that left comments on my blog last night. You're all so supportive and encouraging and it means the world to me.
Unfortunately I'm not sure I deserve the praise. About 3 hours after I posted last night's blog, I was shoving food in my face. I laid down and tried to go to sleep, and I couldn't fall asleep. And I couldn't think about anything but food. I tried to distract myself, but nothing was working. All I could do was think about eating. So after laying there, rolling around and having insomnia, I gave in and ate. I ate 2 veggie burgers and 2 small bags of rice cakes. I felt like nothing in the world could have made me as happy as I was when I was eating. And then as soon as I was done, I regretted it. I felt guilty and ashamed of my weakness. I'm trying to get something good out of it, and take it as confirmation I need to talk to my therapist about my food issues. I mean, okay, so I was hungry and couldn't fall asleep... wouldn't one veggie burger have been enough? Did I have to go back for the second one? I didn't NEED that second one, didn't even really want it, but I felt like I should just eat and eat. So I did. I've made the official decision that I need professional help to deal with my problem. My appointment is Thursday.
But on the bright side, I did get myself sorted out today. I slept later than I had planned and felt like crap when I woke up. I had the "I blew it, so why even bother to try today?" attitude going on. I seriously considered making a big breakfast, eating it, and going back to bed again. Instead, I decided to think for a few minutes before I made any decisions about what kind of day I was going to have. And while I was thinking, I got on the computer, and came to SP. All the comments and Goodies and encouragement was what turned my day around. I read the messages and found my motivation again. I talked sense into myself, that eating last night was not a reason to keep a bad thing going today.
So first I made a healthy breakfast. Eggs, a thin wheat bagel and some watermelon. At that point I was still thinking I was going to blow off the gym, but after some more serious discussion with myself, I decided to go. I'm glad I did. I did another 30 minutes today, and of course felt SO much better when I was done.
I came home and answered some messages and did a few things, then made lunch. I made a chicken with spinach and artichoke hearts thing. It was okay, not great. I also had steamed broccoli and cauliflower, a single serving of macaroni and cheese, and a salad. All in all it was a satisfying dinner, and I was proud of myself for having only one serving of macaroni and cheese. A "serving" used to be a whole box, and this time I had one cup. So horray!
After we ate lunch we didn't do much. Watched some political news, read a book, read a magazine and hung out with dh. Quiet evening. Then it was time for dinner. I had soup with extra canned tomatoes and a veggie burger.
It has been a surprisingly good day, considering the attitude I woke up with this morning. I was REALLY not in the mood to care. So I say again, to all of you that left messages and sent Goodies... thank you. You saved the day for me! I've eaten healthy and exercised, two things I was not planning to do when I woke up.
Hopefully tonight will go more smoothly. I'm tired right now, but my body has a way of being tired 2 hours before bedtime and wide awake at bedtime. But hopefully I will lay down and actually drift off to sleep tonight, rather than ending up in the kitchen stuffing my face.
Tomorrow I'm planning on going back to the community center for another workout. Even though today was 3 days in a row of working out, I'm not feeling as tired this week as I was by that point last week. So I guess I'm seeing some improvements. I'm hoping to wake up a little earlier and get my day going, also. And I'm cooking dinner of course.
For now I'm going to relax and read, and try to be as chill and mellow as possible until bedtime and hope I sleep. I hope everyone had a great Tuesday!