I WILL bite your head off.
At 3:30 today...I was getting hungry..tummy grumbled, grabbed a few nuts real quick, drank some water. I had 1 hour to go until I went home to try and figure out what to eat, but the hunger wheels had already started to turn, and I looked up a few takeout menus by 4:00 and pretty much decided on a fresh Mexican place for a homemade burrito (without rice in it - just fresh stuff, so yummy! and I hadn't had it in years...)
At 4:30 I hit the door and by 4:35 I was in the car feeling lightheaded, and thank god for my stash of m&ms in my bag that have been sitting there for 3 weeks (yup, it's just for emergencies and this was one of them - so a quick 10 of them and I was good to go for my real dinner...and just so you know as well, it's national chocolate day!!!)
By 5:00 I was in town and debating my dinner choice when a little voice said "Just go get it...it's been years...calorie wise it really is not bad" and I was pulled toward my burrito place like a moth to a flame.
By 5:15 I was home...and still in my work clothes, I tucked in to eat my meal. No rush....I was going to savor this puppy. No distractions.... tv and phone be damned!! This thing is too rare and too good to share!
And I did savor that thing....each and every bite
The doorbell rang
ohh.... no..... who the heck could it be?
I am halfway through my meal and I have this??
So I go and open the window (not the door - I am alone, why the heck would I expose myself to anyone...so like the old 80s show "227" I open then window and talk through the screen... and it's a woman..
She begins her spiel: "Hello my name is WhotheHellCares and I am with the ConservationSocietyThatYouHave
GivenMoneyToInThePast and was wondering if you could support InsertCauseOfYourChoice..."
I listen for about 30 seconds because I am not rude, but I really need to get back to my meal...NEED, not want...NEED... and so I interrupt with "I so understand, but you see, now is not a good time....and I have given in the past and I know all about what you do, but I really cannot leave what I have unattended..."
Quickly she interrupts me with: "But maybe if it's not a good time I can come back in an hour and blah blah blah blah blah..."
In response, I kindly said "no thank you, I am only home for 5 precious minutes and then I have to go out again (indeed I did too! to get gas in my car!) and this is the only time I have attend to this that I have going on, so no, you may not come back in an hour. Good luck...good bye."
And that was that. Window is shut
It felt like 20 minutes, but it probably was only 2 in total...but I DID have things to attend to....ME!
So back in the kitchen I go...to recompose and enjoy my little half eaten burrito in peace once again. To savor each little bite and chew and enjoy and make it matter.
And I did make it matter! just like I wanted to!
Like Golum and his "precious"...the burrito was mine because this is how it is: when I really want something...and crave something...and then actually GET something?!?! then that matters a whole lot to me, especially food wise.
This is not a cake that I will consume with a fork over a week because it is there and calling me...and no one notices just a forkful at a time. (I did that a lot in my past, you know).
This is not a hot fudge jar at the back of the fridge that I will treat myself to, spoonful by spoonful and again, think that no one notices it is gone....just like the cake that disappeared. (I did that too, and will admit it outright....life as heavy me was an emotional sneak-eating nightmare.)
But THIS food...now? : This is FOOD that is FUEL that I NEED and dammit....it tastes good too, especially when you are past the point of no return hunger-wise....so BACK OFF! I am going to pay attention and enjoy the HECK out of this precious morsel!
When I pass the point of no return, I get hangry, just like the Snickers commercial..or I get super dopey and my brain doesn't work right after a certain point.
Food for me now is fuel - it keeps me running throughout the day! Food for pleasure is rare, but today...my precious burrito was both fuel and fun for my taste buds!
I tell my coworkers that all the time. They see me eat a few times a day too! and pass on things like chocolate cake at a party...not because I am watching my weight, but because I already just ate! LoL
I can just imagine what people must think about this woman who eats constantly...healthy stuff from home, and not getting stuff from the vending machine....who keeps nuts and berries, figs and dates in her desk drawer just in case she forgets or needs to eat on time.
Trust me....they are better off that I do that...or else...who knows how I would behave!