Saturday, July 05, 2014
My oldest sister is 10 years older than me. The first five years of her life, she was the only grandchild and lived with my parents and grandparents. That means 4 people to give her all the attention.
When I lived in Alabama, Barb and Mom did quite a few things together. When I returned, naturally I spent time with Mom.
Barb started commenting that I was trying to take over. (?!? - I thought I was spending time with Mom.) Then, whenever Mom needed help with something, it was "Get Patty to do it. She's not working." I originally worked on and off. I volunteer a lot. I am on Disability.
When Mom got sick last fall, I became proactive in Mom's care.Barb had gone to a doctor appointment with us. Mom took the paperwork in the house. Mom decided she didn't need them and threw them away. Barb called me asking where the papers were. I asked Mom and relayed what she said. I was yelled at and told that I had to go back to the doctor and get copies of the papers. I was supposedly in charge of them. She had a fit when I told her that if she wanted them, she should have either taken them or a copy with her. I wasn't going back. She could go if she wanted to.
Mom got sicker. Barb became MIA. When I got the shingles, she said she would help mom out. The visiting nurse and my brother came one day. The nurse asked where the pills were. Barb brought them in the room in a bowl all mixed together. She announced that I must have been there and did that. (shingles and all!)
Mom sold me her car. Barb went to the garage and noticed the car was no longer there. Mom's short-term memory is diminishing, furthered along with being sick all winter. Barb came back in the house telling Mom that she was still responsible for the car and if anything happened, it would be Mom that would get sued. My brother told her that it was sold. It obviously didn't sink in. She came back two days later and had Mom upset again. I called Barb and said that the car was sold. She and Mom didn't have to worry about the car anymore. She called my brother and pitched a fit. She then went to Mom's and had her call me. She yelled and screamed at me without even taking a breath. I hung up. She called me every name in the book to Mom and headed to the police station to make a stolen car report.
My Mom keeps saying that she doesn't like sibling rivalry. I keep telling Mom that I am not in competition with my sister. I decided it was in my best interest to let things go, to not talk to her. I will be polite to her when we come in contact with her as long as she doesn't start spouting off on me. She has now started doing the same things to my brother.
Barb still comes over to Mom's and wanders through the house looking at everything. She went downstairs yesterday into the fruit cellar and in an extra dresser that's behind the furnace. She came back up asking Mom where the stuff was that used to be in them. Mom called me upset, thinking I had taken things without telling her.
I asked my mom if she remembered us going through the fruit cellar and dresser. She was upset and didn't.
I just get tired of someone continually blaming me for things that happen when in fact it's either something she did or something she doesn't have to concern herself over. As you can tell by my long-winded blog, as much as I try to separate myself from her, she just keeps coming and coming. I never in my wildest dreams thought my sister would think of me in this way.
Has anyone else had a similar problem? Any suggestions? I did make efforts to sit and talk. She is back drinking and no matter how hard I try, I really can't argue with a drunk. But the buttons are still being pushed. I don't want them pushed anymore.