Picture it, last night... settled in, trying to fall asleep. Then suddenly, without warning, I'm in the kitchen shoveling food into my mouth. What the heck happened? I honestly don't know. I was doing SO well yesterday and feeling so proud of myself. And then a little insomnia, and I'm eating like I'll never see food again. The damage wasn't nearly as bad as I have done in the past. I did eat relatively healthy things, and I didn't eat til I was sick. But I still ate too much at a time I shouldn't have been eating at all. I haven't talked about this in therapy because I felt like I understood it and there was nothing useful she could say. I'm coming to realize that I understand what my flawed thinking is... but I DON'T understand why I can't seem to overcome that thinking and stop sabotaging myself. Hopefully she will have some insight that might help me kick this binging addiction to the curb. I see her on 10th, so less than a week now. Never thought I'd be looking so forward to therapy!
But, despite a bad night last night, I made a good recovery today. I wasn't hungry when I woke up... not surprising, considering what I ate last night... so I waited about an hour before I ate anything. I had a whole wheat thin bagel with light cream cheese and some cherries for breakfast.
I then spent the next hour arguing with myself about exercise. It was the "I shoulds" vs the "I really don't wannas". I'm happy to say, the "I shoulds" won. I knew I couldn't undo the damage I did last night, but I also knew that going for a walk would help mitigate it. And it would also put me in a good frame of mind for continuing to do healthy things. So after much debate and whining by the lazy demon on my shoulder, the exercising angel won and I got off my butt. I just took a walk around my apartment complex, which amounted to 19 minutes. As I've mentioned, I really don't like the sun, but for someone who does like the sun, it would have been a glorious day. The sun was shining, it was warm but not hot, and there was a good breeze. If it had been cloudy I probably would have tried to make it a little longer, but with the beaming sun, one lap around was enough. And I was mighty proud of myself for not lazying out and getting out there and doing it.
I came back in and drank some water and read some magazine. Then it was time to make lunch. I made hamburgers with 96% lean ground beef. I had one, on a thin whole wheat bun. I also had an ear of corn and some steamed veggies with cheese. Then an hour or so after dinner I had my holiday treat... some strawberries and blueberries with sugar free Cool Whip. I was SO tempted to buy those little cakes and make strawberry shortcake today, but I resisted the urge, and my berries and Cool Whip were surprisingly satisfying.
After lunch I just hung out with dh and spent some more time reading and hanging out online. Not really doing anything productive except taking a shower. Then it was dinner time. I had a healthy frozen meal and red bell pepper, cucumber, cauliflower, carrots and tomatoes with hummus.
Since then I've talked to my mom and my grandmother, and not done much else. It has been a really lazy day. TOM is raging and I don't feel spectacular, so I'm taking it easy. I'm managing not to get irritable today, which is surprising for the worst part of TOM. I am, however, tired and extra hungry. So I'm indulging the tired with lots of lounging and relaxing... and trying to ignore the extra hungry until it's time to eat again.
I'm not sure yet what my snack will be later. It will involve fruit. And other than that, I haven't decided. And hopefully... fingers and toes crossed... that will be the last thing I eat until I wake up tomorrow morning. You're supposed to stop needing to wake up and eat in the middle of the night when you're a baby... why am I doing it at 34 years old? Very frustrating.
No real plans for tomorrow that I know of. We managed to spend a small fortune at the grocery stores yesterday, so we're tight on cash. That means staying home and entertaining ourselves for free. Dh might wanna go to the library or something, but otherwise I suspect we will be staying in. I'm taking tomorrow as a rest day from exercise. I am hoping we might do a little cleaning, though.
Alright, time for another round of reading and relaxing. Hope everyone had a fantastic 4th!