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    LWADE1963   20,400
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observations about myself--need help


Thursday, July 03, 2014

i really paid attention to myself today...my thoughts and actions a i was going about my day. these are some of the thoughts that i had regarding my negative self. i must work on these

1. my husband wanting to know why i dont want sex anymore...at first i didnt tell him but eventually i realized it wasnt fair for him to not know how horrible i felt about my body. i told him i have gained weight and didnt feel sexy. i needed to lose some weight to feel sexy again.

2.. as i was shopping with my mom...i had to return something to macys cause it was too big( i guess i not as big as i thought). i hurried and returned it before mom could tell i was in the plus sizes. i am so ashamed to shop in that section.

3. just an observation-- i was so disgusted with myself as i was looking at all the cute clothes that i just look really bad in. all because i never stick with anything. i do not put eating right at the top of my list. nor do i put excercise at the top. this has got to stop. i want to be a vibrant healthy,confident person.

4. as i at a light lunch with some girls i used to work with about 25 years ago. i wanted them to say i look great. they didnt . i know i have gained and i dont look great. the next time i see someone that i havent saw in a while i want them to say wow!! you look terrific. i want to be confident and in control. i just felt really out of place with them.

5. i thought i heard a dog howl as i walked through the parking lot. when you feel like you look good, you will put a better effort in looking good. i mean, i think looks wise i am ok. not drop dead gorgeious but ok. def not dog howling material. but oh well

6. right now, my level of confidence is low. i think of things men (no one in particular) just men i have ran across through the last year have said to me. calling me fat names, saying i dont look hot. i am just really tired of this. it hasnt even been all my life. it has been in the last 3-4 years cause i guess i stopped caring about myself.

7. the only one to change this is me. i dont know where to start. perhaps i will go back to weight watchers. excercise, i am trying some dvd and treadmill at home to save me some money. i have to increase my confidnece .

thank you everyone who read. i have just had a very thought provoking day. and i need to make some changes.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post:
LWADE1963 7/3/2014 4:59PM

    Rawcookie- I dint know there was a 100 days of Spangler team. I have the book and will look for the team

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RAWCOOKIE 7/3/2014 1:05PM

    This kind of negative feeling about ourselves is very familiar - and I have nothing to say that other people have not already said............ you are not alone. The self-esteem issues - there are lot of articles and things here on Spark People - get yourself inspired.

I'm going to give the 100 days of Linda Spangle team a try - it addresses the behavioural stuff................. want to join me?



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AMBERNICHOLE3 7/3/2014 9:51AM

    This has been me so many times, I am here if you ever need a friend

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BIGPAWSUP 7/3/2014 8:33AM

    Sweetie, break up with the negative. I know it's hard but you can make that changes you really want. Start right now, focus on good!

You returned things that were to BIG - who cares what size. At one time they would have fit, now they don't.

You got a howl!! OMG - I'd kill for a howl. Obviously someone liked what they saw.

And best of all, you have a hubby who WANTS you. How awesome is that!?!

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KAREN-IS-HERE 7/3/2014 7:54AM

    wow! I never actually ever heard males call women names in real life unless it was a couple arguing in public. I'm sorry you heard anything like that real or imagined-
I certainly used to imagine my obesity was my defining moment no matter where I was.

It's very hard to break up with one's own negative self-talk.... but it must be done. The narration in my mind now is still a little nutty- but not hateful as far as I can tell-
And to tell the truth, I've been know to ignore me myself- just because I get fed already with being me and want to think about something else- and yet I'm generally happy anyway...good luck with your goals

emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 7/3/2014 8:00:58 AM

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NYKIMMIE 7/3/2014 7:05AM

    emoticon emoticon
Enjoy the holiday weekend! emoticon

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DETERMINEDJANET 7/3/2014 1:53AM

    Oh....I can so relate to your blog!! You are right though...the negative has to get turned around so you feel worthy of making the necessary changes. I am down 87 and have about 40 to go and still am struggling at times. I think we have to really work at catching the negative talk quicker. I am in your corner saying YOU CAN MAKE IT HAPPEN!!!!!

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BUBBALOOGA123 7/3/2014 1:38AM

    Ooh and for some fun workouts try Leslie Sansone on YouTube. She is SO upbeat! You get a nice workout AND feel great doing it.

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BUBBALOOGA123 7/3/2014 1:34AM

    I just went to your pictures and you look darling! Now back to your blog. One of the battles that I have fought and continue to fight is determining what does and does not serve me. Being aware is definitely the first step and one you should be proud of.

Finding a role model (even fictitious) and playing that role can also be a starting point to getting to where you want to be. And I'm not talking body image either. I'm talking about swagger and zest for life and devil may care! With that -- my backbone becomes stronger and then I can care less about what ANYONE thinks about me and my life, even the ones I love most dearly. Then that frees me to say what I want to say, enjoy sex, tell my mom to stick it (not in those words exactly, but you know what I mean) and tell myself that I'm beautiful and even tell my friends that they are beautiful without having to hear it from them in return. You ARE beautiful. Feel it and enjoy it -- you are worth it. :)

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