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CAREN_BLUEJEANS
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My Business vs. None of My Business

Wednesday, July 02, 2014

I'm biting my tongue! When someone you love has gained a lot of weight in a short amount of time, I just can't say anything. When they get all excited about junk food, when they ask for seconds, I try not to even give a look. It's none of my business.

If there were a circle and everything inside the circle was my business: my job, weight, appearance, level of cleanliness, politics, religion, finances, sex, etc. then everything outside that circle was none of my business. Well, my dearest loved one's weight is none of my business.

Keeping up with everything within my circle is about all I can handle. I don't have the time, energy to waste on everything that's none of my business.

I've also heard my business called the circle of control, and none of my business called the circle of concern. I think it may have been first written by Stephen Covey. https://www.stephencovey
.com/7habits/7habits-habit
1.php


I can set a good example. This person knows I'm at the gym all the time, that I switch out squash for starchy carbs, and even what my weight is, and how much I lost this week. And if they come to me for advice, I'll gladly give it. But I know, because I've been there, that judgement isn't helpful. Never. Ever.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • SANDICANE
    My daughter is in the same boat (the gaining weight boat) and I chose not to say anything.... I think you've got it right and I'm just learning what works better than trying to help all the time.


    817 days ago
  • PHEBESS
    Thank you!!!!!
    817 days ago
  • SANDYSHORES24
    Wow! emoticon
    817 days ago
  • KAREN-IS-HERE
    emoticon that's right on the money! Good thinking!
    817 days ago
  • WATERMELLEN
    Good for you: I haven't always exercised your admirable self control and gotta say, it's never helped anybody for me to speak up about the stuff that's none of my business!!
    817 days ago
  • THINFITFEMINIST
    Being an example is the best you can do for someone else.
    817 days ago
  • STRONGERLEANER
    I agree with you.
    emoticon
    818 days ago
  • IFDEEVARUNS2
    Right on!
    818 days ago
  • MORTICIAADDAMS
    You are soooooooooooo right! The best thing to do is lead by example. Never a good idea to point out someone is fat - like they don't know it. What they don't get from it is the idea - I'm concerned for you." Instead, they feel the hurt, shame, and guilt. The feeling that they aren't good enough and don't measure up. I have to squelch my desire to comment on my son's weight but then I remind myself when I was at the funeral home and an older woman I worked with many years before said, "I didn't recognize you. You have gotten so fat." I have a good self esteem but it was not a good feeling and I told myself then I would never be this insensitive.

    You are a very kind, perceptive, and intelligent person. You know how to help others help themselves. You can encourage them to take a walk with you, order healthy meals when you are with them. I know you wouldn't ever tell them they are fat.
    818 days ago
  • LAILATN
    It is not easy - but you're right, judgment is never helpful!

    emoticon
    818 days ago
  • LIS193
    emoticon
    I admire you for keeping your mouth shut.. not easy.
    emoticon
    818 days ago
  • DETERMINEDJANET
    You've got it right Caren! We must focus on what we can control which is ourselves.
    818 days ago
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