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    LOLATURTLE   13,739
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Tuesday, July 01, 2014

My last cranky post, when I was feeling stressed and unmotivated and like a failure?

That was my 2nd Sparkiversary. TO THE DAY.

Haaaaa.

I missed my first Sparkiversary. I think it fell in the middle of a long streak of not tracking. I remember thinking a few weeks ago "I should pay attention and do something on my Sparkiversary this year." Well, I did something. I gained weight and crabbed about it. Hahahaha.

I had a week of... I don't know. Rebellion? I didn't, like, madly binge on everything in sight or anything. But I didn't track either. I guess I was feeling like "I can't get anywhere so why bother."

This weekend we were in the car all day Thursday and half of Friday (NJ to OH Thurs, then OH to MI Fri). Hang out with my grandma (Yay!!) Saturday & Sunday, and in the car Sunday evening MI to OH. Then drive to NJ on Monday. So it was a lot of just sitting in the car.

It was great to see family!

The worst part (besides the traffic yesterday... shut up, NJ.) was putting on my size 18 jeans at my grandma's one day when it was cool, and they were uncomfortably tight.

So I've gone from my 16s being uncomfortably tight, which didn't take much because I'd only just gotten into them, to my 18s being uncomfortable!

NO.

FANK.

YOU.

So yeah. July is going to be some kind of recommittment. I don't know how yet... putting pressure on myself to be awesome and re-lose a bunch of what I've gained TOTALLY BACKFIRED in June so I'm sort of not sure what to do with myself right now.

But I don't want to be back in my size 20s!

It's weird... I'm sure it was hard work at the time, but looking back? That first 7 months on Spark when I lost the bulk of that first 50lbs (40-44 or so) must have been easy, relatively speaking. Or something has changed in me, biochemically or physiologically. I really didn't work out that much, either. The small changes made a much bigger difference then! Now it feels like... unless I am PERFECT - 10 servings of veggies 10 cups of water no bread lots of protein, etc, and workout 6 days a week, I lose NOTHING. Those first 30 lbs??? pffft. Please. Right now it feels like IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN. And by "it" I mean losing another pound ever again. Which is probably at least part of my problem...

Anyway. I was 262 this morning. So I didn't gain anything since last week's grumpout. But if I keep not tracking I probably will gain more.

To answer your comment, ADARKARA, I mostly do weigh every day! Lately it's been making me grouchy as h3ll, but for the first long chunk of my Spark journey I absolutely did it! I didn't log my weight into Spark every day, but I at least step on the scale & look at it. It didn't bother me either, I was just kind of keeping an eye on it. Maybe I need to start logging it in excel again so I can see if there is any trend. It doesn't **seem** to have any rhyme or reason or anything to do with TOM. When I was doing great for those 2 weeks (week before last & the one before that) It was like... trending down by 0.1 or 0.2 every day, and then suddenly jump up. Other times it goes down 0.2 down 0.5 up 2 down 1 up 1 down 0.4.... it's totally senseless.

But maybe charting it will help, maybe there's some kind of pattern I can find so I know when to ignore it...


Either way... Gonna do some serious thinking about how to tackle July.
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JUMPINJULIE 7/16/2014 9:33PM

    You can do it. I have the same problem right now I don't know why it felt so much easier before but it doesn't feel easy any more. But I know we can do it.

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SENIMMO 7/4/2014 8:21PM

    Totally get it. The weight I lost came off easier right after the knee replacements when I was in all that pain! Now? yeah. It's my own fault for gaining so much of it back, but still. WHY SO HARD THIS TIME????

Yeah. it stinks. But we can do this!!!


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AHTRAP 7/1/2014 1:02PM

    Know exactly what you mean about the first few pounds feeling like they were freebies, the first time around. Back when I jumped in on this site, the first ten came off easy, I had to work for the next ten, and the last ten+ I earned. And now that I've put near the entire amount back on in the past 15 months or so, I'm a little haunted by the statement I put on my spark page saying "1st 20 pounds came off relatively easily, guess it was extra excess weight". Now, it feels like I'm trying to go the wrong way down a fast moving up escalator.

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ADARKARA 7/1/2014 10:14AM

    emoticon

I know you can do it! Don't make any lofty goals, make small ones. Remember: as long as you're moving in the right direction, you're a success, no matter how slow!

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NANCYPAT1 7/1/2014 10:07AM

    You can make this happen for YOU. You are worth the effort and the time to make it right for you.

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