Tuesday, July 01, 2014
By now I had hoped to be celebrating a minor loss and be psyched for vacation.
But I am not.
I am not prepared, I need to start packing and organizing, I am a firm believer in making lists and so far, I havent even done that.
Went shopping yesterday and just wasnt into it, couldnt think of anything I needed.
My mind is in a fog and my body is in a funk!!!
I had thought and hoped that the numbness in my foot was lessening. But I now think I am just getting used to it.
I have an appt with the ortho who treated my broken foot but it isnt until July 14.
So, I have this vacation coming in 5 days and I am torn, looking forward to seeing the ocean and relaxing on the beach.
But really dreading the packing, unpacking, repacking, unpacking again, the spending too much and eating too much and abbibing too much.
And then knowing that all that walking might lead to more problems.
Hopefully not, I havent walked in a week and it is bothering me both physically and emotionally.
When I dont walk and someone asks if I am walking, I feel like I am failing, them and myself.
But it isnt all dire.
I havent gained.
So that is something, right?!
Had such weird dreams last night, woke up to my phone going off at 630am, and got up, went to the bathroom and had all my walking gear laid out, then I heard that old famailiar sound, of rain hitting outside.
Where has all this rain come from???
Last year on our very first day at the beach, it began downpouring, rained all night and the next morning.
I got so down, here we had drove 8 hours, spent out the ying yang for our room, and were sitting inside watching rain.
But by the middle of the second day it stopped and we did enjoy ourselves.
I want to enjoy this trip, I hope the rain stays away while we are there.
I know this might be the last time we get to make this trip for a few years.
We have agreed, if Honey's job is still here, so many men around here being laid off, jobs being ripped away from men.
Well we agreed we will put as much into savings as we can and use what we have surplus to have our road paved.
Pay off as many bills as we can and get our debt down in order to have the road paved and that is very important for winter driving.
So, I want to enjoy this trip.
But I am so discouraged over my foot and worry.
Maybe by Sunday I will be in better spirits.
I just wish I could regain my focus.