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Trying times

Monday, June 30, 2014

I have not been home much.

home hunting is not a chore that I am enjoying. Nor is dealing with my broken wrist.

Getting in and out of cars is quite a production right now. Doing dishes is even worse...i still wish for an automatic dishwasher and am really hoping God leads me to a place with one.

Sometimes I feel like I am the kid that I was , that thought God was not listening to me. As a kid I did not understand the finalty of death, and could not figure out why God wouldn't give me my daddy back.

I know this is unrealistic. And I do know God is listening, it is just how I feel at the moment.

I have a feeling that my cast will not be replaced with a half cast on friday. There is still a lot of pain and aching going on. Perhaps my diabetes is slowing the healing process , as it can do that..Yesterday, at church, I had a prayer team pray over me for a new home and over my wrist for healing properly.

And I got scolded by a couple of church friends. Apparently no one realizes how serious my health conditions are plus the need for a decent home that I can afford. I just gave a blank look at them...they went on to say because I am always smiling and happy, that everyone assumes everything is okay.

I just am not the type to go around with a doom and gloom face...

They said cry sometimes!. Sorry, I am not the type to cry in public...and when I do ...I get very embarrassed. So many people dont realize that I grew up with a mother that always said" don't be like that" I was not to show emotions of any kind. I never went against my mother so I would put on the mask over my emotions...It is so hard to break 40 years of conditioning.

Even now, 17 years after her death, I find it hard to show any emotion other than the happy one. It is a good thing for me to blog, because I can let out stuff here.

I am really watching my food intake. I know I am stress eating. My emotional outlet. I am not letting myself eat starch carbs, though I am allowing some fruit carbs. When I shopped, I especially looked for the smallest in plums, apples and nectarines, and only allow myself one piece a day. It is the best I can do to short circuit my emotional eating habits.

Plus not being able to cut anything, that helps as well at this time. One instance where I am really glad that I live alone. No body to cut or cook something just because I really want it.
Thank my lord for this small disguised blessing!

Hopefully this all pays off with at least a maintain this week. If I can not find somewhere to live, perhaps I can at least have that.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Yes, sweet Sister, our Abba Father is listening & nothing is going on (or will go on) in your life that He hasn't okayed for His glory & for your spiritual growth. Everything has been (or will be, as the situation moves along) filtered through the nail scarred hands of our Lord Jesus --- meaning you are in the will & safety of our Abba's loving care. So, please, trust Him & just bask in the knowledge that He is working His will in your situation. You, of course, have your part to do --- which you obviously are doing --- in searching for the new home that He has for you.

    I don't understand why your church friends would scold you, Bear. Some people can't seem to display compassion or be able to see a situation from another's perspective --- do you believe that was what was going on with them? Just because we generally are "happy-go-lucky" in our outlook, it doesn't mean that we don't have our share of burdens & concerns in this life.

    I believe that it is perfectly okay to display emotion with tears; however, it is not required to show undue distress in a situation just to please on-lookers. I don't know why others would suggest that you should --- to make your situation more believable or real? To project onto you how they believe one should react in such a situation? People can be strange at times --- can't they? emoticon

    Jesus knows what you are going through & He is praying for you. I hope that you find encouragement & strength in that truth, Bear.

    God bless!

    1332 days ago
    The only thing that got accomplished today, was getting my name on waiting lists all over town. And most of the places are out of my range rent wise anyways.

    I heard over and over that there is a shortage in rentals, waiting lists are not moving, the wait is 2-5 years...not looking good.

    Thanks for your response Lila. Good for you for getting your walks in.
    Sorry about the church, perhaps try another one instead?
    1332 days ago
    Oh BEar,
    I hear the frustration in your voice.... I feel so bad... will pray for new housing for you.
    Remember how I was starting to doubt whether they were going to take my cast off when it was coming down to the time. I hope you have the same good things happen as me, that the cast gets replaced and life gets easier for you.

    Have they sold your place? Will it sell quickly? I know I can't stand that kind of not knowing either.

    I think I am close to my last days at my church. Yesterday really tested me. The pastor's wife noticed, a mildly mentally challenged lady who broke her leg back in Dec at the church and didnt' even get out of hospital after several surgeries till April, had a very slight accident in trying to get up from her chair and down the stairs to go to the washroom, and there she is at the table saying, Look Pat, peed herself. I was so disgusted. I felt like saying to her, Well she may be challenged, but she's not deaf, and how embarrassing for you to say that. Also during the service, she yelled out to her dh that there was an error in the bulletin... and everyone just seems to be backbiting and putting others downs. Very frustrating. I even said to Brenda today, a hint to her as well to stop complaining, seems like a lot have lost their joy as Christians.

    2 long walks today, time to call it an early nite. Rest and heal well, my friend.
    1333 days ago

    Comment edited on: 6/30/2014 8:47:23 PM
    thanks hon
    1333 days ago
    Sending hugs and prayers that you find a new place soon with all the bells and whistles of your dreams. It's time things started coming your way!
    1333 days ago
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