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The Cloak of Fat

Monday, June 30, 2014

This may be a hard blog for me to write, but a necessary one.
For many years I hid behind my self-made cloak of fat. I wore it as armor.
It protected me from attention. When thin I attracted unwanted attention.
When fat I was denied attention needed for career momentum.
Did I fear failure? Or did I fear success?
This cloak that I earned through years of dedicated devotion to solving
all my problems of love, fear of rejection, fear of acceptance for me even if thin.
This cloak provided me warmth from loneliness, but the sad part is I only felt more
alone and more isolated. This cloak prevented free and easy mobility to participate
in functions.
The development of this cloak and its weight has cause my body irreparable damage to the knees. It has destroyed my health. It has weakened my immune system. In providing me a shield from others, it has denied me the privilege of meeting and being accepted by new friends.
The cloak is old and tired now. I am readying myself for a new cloak as I face the next milestone in my life. In August I will turn 65. By age 66 I want to be a thinner and more mobile lady. I want to march forward with the rest of my life more freely.
Come walk with me.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I also have hit 'maintenance'. I lot 40 pounds and just stopped. Lot's of reasons, but mainly it protects me, and maybe a little pride...

    1234 days ago
  • GENRE009
    It was very brave of you to admit that you became your own worst enemy. We all do that, and yes eating poorly damages a lot of our health. You are never too old to turn around your health. Go into the diabetic diet, develop a 1200 calorie plan, and journal it before you attempt to eat daily. have 3 meals , and 3 snacks in between so you don't binge. I am learning the life style to not binge on unhealthy foods at Weight Watchers. It is a daily challenge fighting myself with all kinds of mindless patterns, and old pains. if you need help I can direct you, but spark has everything you need. Just keep at it even if you mess up. WW is 4 dairy, 1-2, 2-3, 3-4 protein at the main meals, 5-7 vegetables, 4-5 fruits, and 8-10 glasses of water. Snacks look like a protein & a fruit or vegetable. Your plate should look like 1/2 is vegetables, 1/4 is protein, and 1/4 is starchy vegetable or whole grain. Good luck. I need to have accountability, and I learn something every week, so I go, and it only costs $14.00 after the initial cost.eva
    1301 days ago
    Beautifully written and I share your cloak feelings. I'm holding your hand as we walk through this journey together.

    emoticon emoticon
    1302 days ago
    Right besides you my dear. You are NOT ALONE. I will walk with you too. emoticon
    1302 days ago
    I answer your invitation-- YES
    Several years older than you, 69 this summer, and I want to walk with you.
    The "cure" is well known--- diet and exercise. Each day I seem to start over, and the next day, I start over. It is time to get smart and get rid of my cloak of fat!
    There are lots of helpful tips on Spark--- Let's do this!! Face the fact that the responsibility for me is ME-- and there is no magic pill. The goal is worth it---
    I often say to myself--- "If you owned the most expensive car, you would not put trash in the tank!" My body is more important than any car.
    1302 days ago
    I wish you much success in your spark journey. It took strength to put your feelings in writing. I hope you reach your goals and become the person you want to be by your 65th birthday. My birthday is in August too and I'll be 60. Thanks for the inspiration.

    Hugs, Pat emoticon
    1302 days ago
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