First, let me explain—I took a much-needed day off yesterday and spent it at my BFF’s (Shelley with an “ey”) house. We made pita bread pizzas, had organic popcorn and watermelon for dessert, while we watched a documentary about the font, Helvetica. Why? Because we’re graphic design nerds and we’re not ashamed!
Yes, we watched a whole movie about this font. Nerds.
This is what Audrey and I took to the “party.” We don’t usually buy bagged popcorn, but Shelley is obsessed with chia seeds, so…
If you can struggle through the video, which is annoying, because my phone has a hard time shooting video these days; you will see the giant, watermelon slicer somewhat in action. Why do I even bother showing this? Why is this SparkWorthy? Because I’m working more freggies into my meal plans and watermelon is quickly becoming my go-to snack of the summer. And what better way to show that, than with a gigantic, watermelon slicer? Plus, my buddy Shelley has worked really hard swinging kettlebells and stuff, and has the upper body strength needed to man this monstrous, kitchen gadget. SparkChick Power!
This is Shelley, training on some ridiculous monkey bars, for a mud run/obstacle course.
So, that covers the watermelon slicer. Now, on to the hokey pokey in Onederland. Here’s the thing—last week, I took a step out of Onederland. Just one step. I recorded it on my tracker, because we started a 5% challenge and it was weigh-in day, so I had to report it. 200 lbs. I’m gonna be honest here, my heart sank. I can’t say I was surprised. I played it pretty fast and loose with food over the last couple of weeks of work. That piper demands to be paid, whether I like it or not.
I wasn’t filled with the self-loathing I’ve had in the past. Thankfully, my Secret Power of Awesome prevents that. But I admit that I felt disappointed and, to be frank, embarrassed. I’ve chosen to be very public with my weight-loss journey. When things are going well, I proudly share those numbers and those victories. But when I slip, it takes a real gut-check to share that. Especially something as big as stepping back over that Onederland Line. It’s just a number; I know that. But it’s significant for me. I worked really hard to lose that 40+ pounds and I was so proud and excited. I wore my SparkPeople shirt everywhere.
To backslide as much as I have, has been very humbling. I almost felt like I should take my SparkPeople decal off my car, until I “got my act together,” that I shouldn’t wear my SparkPeople shirt around. I felt like I wasn’t being a very good “unofficial spokesperson” for the program I love so much. But that feels like hiding to me and I’m not going to do that. I have to be honest with myself and with y’all; that’s how this is gonna work. That’s how I’m gonna make it to that 50 lb goal and how I’m gonna deal with the ups and downs of maintenance, once I get there. I don’t do this journey gracefully; I just don’t. I’m not gonna have that neat and tidy success story, with the perfect, happy ending. My life is too chaotic and interesting, to fit into the magazine cover mold, and I’m okay with that.
At the same time, I firmly believe in accepting responsibility and moving forward. I’m a big planner at work. It drives the guys crazy sometimes. I like to plan ahead. I’m writing scripts for Christmas and next Mother’s and Father’s Days now. (seriously) When I manage a project at work, I’m a stickler for backdating, making lists, delegating action items; I watch over that like a hawk and I’m super organized. Work is the ONLY facet of my life that is that organized. I resist it everywhere else. Fiercely. But I think it’s time for me to apply that type of planning and organization to my meals, because that’s where I consistently trip and fall. So, I’m backdating a trip to the grocery store on Monday and breaking it down into steps beforehand. I have my meal planner app open, freezer to crockpot recipes at my fingertips, and Audrey by my side to help. I’m going to try planning a two-week menu and see if that helps. My issue isn’t so much that I eat a lot, but that what I eat isn’t always the best choice. I’m hoping that Director/Producer Shelli can step in here and make a difference. I’ll let you know how it goes.
On a positive note: I took that step back INTO Onederland this morning and I’m so happy. That is a BIG WOOHOO! Back to 20 lbs lost and I'm choosing to be as proud of that now, as I was the first time around. And my SparkDecal is still on my car and I just might wear a SparkPeople shirt today. This is still happening, people; this is still happening!
20 lbs again!
Thanks for reading my long, rambling blog. As always, I appreciate every ounce of support I get from this community. I will leave you with these two, completely unrelated pictures, just because.
This is my USB Spaceman light I got to use in the tech booth at work. It’s the only light that’s been bright enough for me to use. Bonus points for being adorable.
And this is our new “welcome” mat. Audrey and I thought it was too hilarious not to share. Hope you can read it, look in the corner. heh heh
Spark ON, Brave Sparkers!!