The Battle Within
Friday, June 27, 2014
This is the first time in my life I am actually LEARNING how to eat and live healthy. I had gastric bypass almost 7 years ago and never thought I would be in this position ever again in my life. Well here we are. I have gained over half of what I lost back and I'm trying to learn how to do this right.
I have been tracking my food, which has helped me become much more aware of what I am putting in my body and how much I am consuming. This has been a very enlightening process. With that I have also been exercising almost daily and that has been wonderful, I have gotten to a place that I actually look forward to it. Even if it only a short amount of time I have learned its better than not doing anything at all.
So that brings me to last night. For the first time since I have been making an effort to change so much of my life to be more healthy I was faced with the battle I carry within myself.
Went to hot yoga last night. The instructor was brutal to say the least and the work out was extremely intense. Well I managed to mess my knee up somehow and on the drive home I was in incredible pain. That's when the battle began. All of my worries that I hadn't really given much attention to came to the forefront.
I began to worry "what if I cant drop this weight", "what if its too late", "did I waste the opportunity when I gained all of this back".
I became overwhelmed with the what if's, the fears, and the feeling of failure. Everything that I felt so good about over the past few weeks was gone in seconds. All of that was a hard pill to swallow.
I fought with myself the whole way home. Who needs an enemy when you are your own worse enemy.
I got past it and I sit here today with a new day, a fresh new start and the ability to continue to grow, learn and change my life to live healthier and a more fulfilled life. I have amazing support and all of that by itself enough to keep going.
I am sure this is just the first of many battles I will have with myself, but hopefully I can look back at this one and remember I CAN DO THIS, and I WILL DO THIS!! I am grateful for the chance to keep going in this direction and to continue to grow.
Exited for the Future