Thursday, June 26, 2014
The question I need to ask myself is why. Why do I find it so hard to stick to my program? Why is it so hard to get up and run knowing I have my first ever 5k coming up July 13? Why is it so hard for me to just work out in general? Why is sticking to my points range so hard? Why do I always binge eat? Why, in general, do I eat when I am not hungry? Why is it so hard to stay motivated?
I honestly wish I knew the answers to all of my questions. I just don’t get it. Its plan and simple. Eat with in your range and work out. Black and white – but yet it is so hard to do. It doesn’t get any easier than eat right and work out but yet I make it hard.
I swear its that inner voice. “Oh you can start again tomorrow” it says. “oh one binge day wont kill you” it says. No one binge day wont kill me but it will wreak havoc on the scale in the morning.
Yesterday I was feeling so off. I cant even describe it but it was like a disconnected feeling. Tired and some dizziness once during the day. I got home and my sister and I made cookies. Of course I had dough and some cookies. Then that bad choice lead to another. I ordered pizza. It was a night of sabotage. Why do I do that?
Ok here is another why I ask myself. Why do I go into “zombie” mode with eating? My mind literally goes blank when I have the binge come on and there is no way to talk myself out of it. My mind is made up and then it shuts off until after it happens and I feel bad after. Can I please have a new mind that listens to me?!
I really need to figure out how to beat this. Sure I could hop on the treadmill for 15 minutes after work but then the guiltiness of not spending time with my little guy sinks in. But then I remember our routine. I put on Sherriff Callie and he watches that while I binge and think of something for dinner. Real quality time there lady! That needs to change!
I used to be really good about working out right after work and not bingeing. I think I need to go back to that routine. Get the little man to bed early so I can get up and run in the AM and not be so tired and hit snooze a zillion times. I just need to find what works for me because my trigger time is between 5-6pm. I need to figure it out fast because what good am I doing for my kids if I am sabotaging my own health. They need me! So I am going to stop the “why’s” and turn them into “how’s” and make the “how’s” into “doing”. It will be hard but it is something I have to do. No one ever got to goal by binge eating and not working out.