Last night was rough.
Yesterday morning started out with a bang: I actually got my ass out of bed, got down to my basement and did 20 minutes on my treadmill and then lifted some 8 lb. dumbbells: arms, shoulders, chest. My husband and sons have all these posters on the wall down there for a total body workout - different posters for different body groups, they're very helpful. After MONTHS AND MONTHS AND MONTHS of no official exercise (not counting walks with girlfriends), this was a huge huge win for me.
Especially since it parlayed to another morning workout this morning (yay! I did Jillian Michael's 30-Day Shred, level 1, sort of, ouch!).
I had my morning protein shake, a great lunch of a grilled chicken breast and a huge salad and dinner was grilled free range/grass fed beef chunks, peppers and onions that I seasoned with "fiesta" seasoning and more salad. I turned the rest of the "fajitas" into a casserole for the rest of the family with rice and (snif!) cheese. I REALLY FRIGGIN MISS CHEESE, Y'ALL, but it's only 24 more days.
Then right around 9 o'clock it was like a WILD WOLF awoke in me, HOWLING FOR CHOCOLATE, something sweet ANYTHING. I had eaten a few green grapes at dinner (not many, I get sick of them fast) and my boys went up to the gas station and brought back three pints of Ben & Jerry's for themselves and their Dad and those beeeeyotches ate their ice cream while I felt like I was dying on the inside. I had a mental temper tantrum, "NOT FAIR! I HATE THEM! WHY AREN'T THEY FAT? OH YEAH, THEY RUN, WHATEVER, STILL MAD! WHY ME? I WANT IT WANT IT WAAAAAAH NOT FAIR!" for about three minutes and then did some deep breathing and remembered that this isn't forever, it's just for today. And if I could stay away from a drink or a drug for 18.5 YEARS than I can stay away from dairy, sugar, gluten for 25 more days, no sweat, it's all good.
I then remembered I had some brown rice crackers, so I went to the kitchen, got myself 8 of those bad boys (that's 1 serving) and dug a teaspon of natural peanut butter out into a bowl and very slowly ate my crackers dipped in peanut butter, and it was enough. It was well within my eating guidelines and it was enough to fill any lingering physical hunger that was triggered by major WAH I WANT IT desire for something that is not on my list.
So I am grateful today like I have been many mornings 18 years ago when I really wanted a friggin' drink and DID NOT DRINK. I never woke up sober saying, "DARN, I really should have gotten loaded last night!" I feel the same way about the ice cream. I am grateful that I didn't eat it and am not suffering for toughing it out. If anything, I'm stronger.
Today I'm running out at lunch to pick up more of those raw food ginger cookies that are so delicious and totally on my list! If I keep them around the house, there's a dessert.
I really need to go to bed earlier, it's just so hard for me. I want to live in a "Siesta country" where I can take a five hour nap in the middle of the day and another nap in the wee hours.