In studying for my health coaching certification, one thing we talk about constantly is balance.
Balance of energy, balance of food, balance in relationships....etc.etc.etc.
So when yesterday hit me with an off-balance situation, it was just the perfect storm to get me pissed. The kind of pissed where I start cursing like a truck driver (known to happen on occasion - ok, often enough - but this time was like the Hoover damn exploded).... and it carried over into my evening with my family, where, luckily, I have kids who are really really cool and can make me laugh at the idiocy around me - including myself.
Before bed last night, I analyzed the "why" of the situation: and it's not about me. It's more how I am subconsciously reaction to the near future... my family is leaving me behind on Saturday morning for 2 straight weeks.
It's not work - that is work.
It's not my eating or exercising - trying to get back in the swing of things - not perfect at all, but it never was.
It's the fact that I am going to MISS my kids, MISS my husband, MISS the experience with them, and be left behind because of the new job. And this is something that I have ENCOURAGED them to do without me and planned because why should they stop a fun summer from happening just because I am not there.
But that is what hurts: I am not there.
This is a huge thing here - it is a first for us. A BIG one.
I was looking forward to it a few months back - figured I would hang out with my girlfriend I never get to see - NOT! She is going on a trip too...the same 2 weeks! Figured hanging out with our other friend....2 week trip for work. My other people I want to see - - all live far far away!
So faced with all of this, I am looking at this: clean the house, work on a painting project, exercise (the track is safe, I guess), eat well, catch up on my schoolwork (I have test on July 7th); I have a construction project to work on as well - demolition might be a good outlet; I have some co-workers I might be able to scrounge dinner with on occasion; I have my sister's house for the 4th of July.
But still....not replacing what I am feeling inside right now. Yay...mini-depression ROCKS!
Quick story: last night at my son's last baseball game, my other 2 and I went to the concession stand to feed them crappy chicken fingers and fries...I was told 2 minutes...5 minutes later, a woman orders the same thing and was given MY order. I was ready to strangle the teenager behind the counter with the frozen pretzel he was taking out of the bag... but instead I stood there, arms crossed, leaned in and told his cohort at the frier to put another 2 chickens on ASAP. I got back to the stands 10 minutes later, missed a turn at bat for my kid and told my hubby to watch my bag. I went for a walk....or rather a run. After that last incident, I was going to lose it. I needed to move. To run. To be alone. I ran in an open field away from everyone else...and around a football field...and 3 baseball fields and came back a little bit out of breath, but much better than just standing there and stewing.
It was the second night in a row where I had to run from work...run from life... run from whatever.
Or is it running TO something??
Huh, never though of that before.
It definitely is a more positive spin. I do have a race to start training for. I do have a body that is craving something...better nutrition, that is for sure...maybe it's also my exercise cycle gearing up again.
I think the most important thing is to just listen and DO what this body tells me to do. It knows what to do to make it feel better instinctually.. all I have to do it listen.
I love it when blog-writing turns into a therapy session that makes sense in the end! LOL
OK - now that that is out....on to the hot shower and a fresh start to the day!