Tuesday, June 24, 2014
So I haven't blogged in awhile. I am actually blogging because I saw a really sad thing on social media last night that really affected me so I need to get it out. I was looking at a hashtag on instagram. I'm not even sure which one. I don't normally browse instagram, but, last night I came across a really sad account. It's name was "failure at life" with some different characters to make it unique. It immediately grabbed my attention. I clicked on the page and in it's description it said it was a secret account. There isn't anything on it to show who the person actually is or anything. So Im thinking its basically a place for a person to vent true feelings and somehow get support in an anonymous way. There was really sad posts about her weight and other dark things. She had posted a faceless photo of her body and just kept putting herself down. Honestly she did have some weight on her, but, she was not ugly like she hashtagged herself. It was so sad to see how badly she was body shaming herself. It made me realize how truly bad we can be to ourselves. I reached out to her trying to find the right words. Realizing that I have been there. Its not a good place. It's dark.
I struggled for years with this. I have fluctuated between 108 lbs and 170 lbs. Constantly fluctuating between obsessing about losing or just giving up on everything and packing on the pounds. I was obsessed with the number on the scale or my size. Hoping that my size would somehow change how I felt about myself. Looking at this huge "picture" of time I can now see that I felt the exact same way about myself at every size! I remember I was STILL trying to lose weight at 114lbs! Crazy! In the past year or so I've started to accept my size and learn from my journey. I have been fighting with this number on the scale for sooo long! It's like a drug. Seeing the scale go down gives you a huge high. But when it goes up its like a slam into the ground. I may have been in denial about it in the past, but, I've opened my eyes. I understand everyone has their own journey, but, this has been mine. I barely weigh myself. I don't base how I feel on how I look or my size. Sometimes I still catch myself obsessing, but, for the most part I do not let it hold me back anymore. I eat healthy and try to stay active because I feel that I DESERVE to treat myself this way. It is OKAY to love yourself NOW! You don't have to wait until you reach your goal weight. It won't hold you back! You don't have to wait until you are healthy. Love yourself now. Whatever your situation is. Find beauty in your flaws. Celebrate your differences. Treat yourself kindly. Don't diet and exercise just so you can look the way you want to. Do it because you love yourself enough to treat yourself the way you DESERVE to be treated. It's okay to be happy now.
Well, I'm glad to have gotten this out.. I hope everyone has an amazing day! xoxoxo