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Annual Fitness (Job Performance) Reports

Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Well, it is that time of year again. Time for the annual officer evaluation report, or OER (since everything needs to have a neat acronym). Our OER's tend to be fairly straightforward. Apparently, the British Army uses a bit more wit in their fitness reports. These phrases have allegedly appeared on British Army reports, hopefully they don't appear on mine!

(Taken from:

1. His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of curiosity.

2. I would not breed from this officer.

3. This officer is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definitely won't-be.

4. When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there.

5. He has carried out each and every one of his duties to his entire satisfaction.

6. He would be out of his depth in a car park puddle.

7. Technically sound, but socially impossible.

8. This officer reminds me very much of a gyroscope always spinning around at a frantic pace, but not really going anywhere.

9. This young lady has delusions of adequacy.

10. When he joined my ship, this officer was something of a granny; since then he has aged considerably.

11. Since my last report, he has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.

12. She sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.

13. He has the wisdom of youth and the energy of old age.

14. This officer should go far, and the sooner he starts, the better.

15. In my opinion, this pilot should not be authorized to fly below 250 feet.

16. The only ship I would recommend this man for is citizenship.

17. Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.

18. This man is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.

It's hard to believe that my first year at West Point has flown by so quickly! It has been a good and productive year. I have at least two more years left here and am working towards extending my tour to see if I can finish out my service here.
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