Monday, June 23, 2014
This weekend was the opposite of last weekend.
More stress. Less productivity. No workouts. and UGH, the FOOD.
I'm letting it go, just want to process first.
Don't get me wrong, I did have fun. But I just feel like healthy living everything went to H3LL, and weight has followed.
I need a break from the scale, because it is grouching me out BIG TIME. After two weeks of doing great, working out tons, eating SUPER healthy, I barely lost half a pound. After this weekend, I gained 4lbs. I know, I know, most of that has got to be water weight, but even so. COME ON. I can't lose ONE POUND in two weeks of 950 calorie deficit??? eff off, scale.
I intellectually know this is not true, but today what I am feeling is: I could seriously count every calorie I eat every day, eat nothing but protein shakes and salads and turkey sandwiches, and work out six days a week, and I would STILL bounce between 250 & 260 pounds FOREVER AND EVER. I don't give up on healthy eating and exercise, because I feel better and it's good for me, but I give up on weighing less than 250. And fitting in pants smaller than 18s. Obviously it's just NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN. All those other people on Spark who actually lost 100lbs? Those people are MAGIC. They have fairy godmothers and magic metabolism or something. WHATEVER I DON'T CARE.
Friday I don't know what happened to me. Actually, I do - I didn't pack my lunch and snacks! When it came time to go buy lunch from the cafeteria, I was freezing (we have an issue with air conditioning in our office, due to a particular colleague. That's all I'll say about that...) and grouchy, so I got chicken fingers and fries instead of salad. DERRRRRRRRRRRRRP. This knowing full well I was going out to dinner with friends. DOUBLE DERRRRRP, oh well. So after work, I had SO MUCH FUN with people! I just also drank a giant beer and ate a lot. Belgian waffle with eggs & bacon. Eh, it was good. That one I don't really regret. I planned for it all week! Just lunch was... no. No that was bad.
Saturday I couldn't work out because the gym doesn't open until 10am, and we were going to my inlaws to go to the beach. Then we sat in traffic for THREE AND A HALF HOURS. Grrrrrrrrrrrr. I was actually sort of zen about it at the time but Mr. Turtle was a basket case. Spent a whole hour at the beach (whoopee. it was pretty, though) and it was COLD, then went home for dinner.
This is where it gets.... I don't know if it's ME, or what. I can't figure it out. I must have really crappy metabolism, or huge mental problems where what I think I am eating as normal portions is actually insane, or SOMETHING, because no one else there is as fat as me. But I was not going crazy with eating. Sometimes I do go crazy there but I was really not SO bad this time I thought! I ate an extra piece of garlic bread, but otherwise what I thought was a not too bad serving of pasta & no seconds. Some salad. Some fruit with dessert, and a bit of other stuff (2 cookies & a small scoop of ice cream). Just that meal (tracked after the fact, just this morning actually) = 2158 calories. Oh my god, thank god we only went for the day! I just can't eat there. I mean, wtf. This is why I have such huge problems especially when we go there for like a week for a holiday. AHHHHHH.
I thought about packing my own sandwich for lunch (because they always have such crap around) to bring to the beach. It ended up being a moot point because we didn't make it to the beach in time for lunch, but I think in the future I just have to secretly pack a cooler inside my suitcase with my own breakfast, lunch, and snacks, and then... I don't know what to do about dinner. Eat 1/4 portions of everything. I mean god, that's almost 2 days of calories and I thought I was doing okay!
So yeah. That's horrifying.
Sunday I had a huge breakfast for no apparent reason. Went into the city to see a friend perform in a play (yaaaaaaay!). We were early so I wanted to get something to drink - Mr. Turtle got "a sandwich to split" because it was a deli. I ended up not eating my half because I was still full from breakfast. So that was a victory! They passed out candy at the theater but it was all melty. I did eat a piece though. We got dairy queen on the way home - Mr Turtle has this thing where he wants to try every flavor of blizzard before summer is over. ha. Don't ask. Anyway, so far I have been really good - I check my tracker before we go and if I can't "afford" one I don't get one, and I only get the mini size. Last night I got a small, because I'm an idiot. So I pretty much had ice cream for dinner.
Friday Saturday Sunday = 2396, 2768, 2811. I never cracked 3000 calories, but jeez. and sigh. And this morning I was up over 261, which is no big surprise, but also like... I'm so glad I did SO WELL for the last two weeks of eating & exercise so I could go from 257 to 256.6. I mean, wow, talk about effort well spent! (Picture me flipping the bird to the entire universe in general here...)
Nothing to do but move on - today I had my normal healthy breakfast and I have tons of water. I'll probably go to the grocery store in a bit... I didn't pack my lunch & snacks because I'm supposed to be in the field today. But when I got in my coworker was like "oh I have some paperwork so I can't leave til later..." My day is now up in the air and I'm mad I have to pay for food when I have perfectly good food at home, but whatever.
Tomorrow I'm going to the gym early no matter what. I haven't worked out since WEDNESDAY, what. No wonder I am grouchy and feel out of sorts.
People need to stop planning other things for me so I can just work out and eat healthy.
See that? I have still not learned how to not have Fat People habits when I am not 110% in control of my surroundings. This does not bode well.