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    SDLEE514   18,317
15,000-19,999 SparkPoints

In need of...

Monday, June 23, 2014

a hug?
a mental health day?
a yoga and spa session?
an eat-pray-love find my soul type getaway?

I've been feeling down lately. Like break down. melt down. quarter life crisis. I can't even exactly pin point what it is, which is almost more frustrating than feeling this way.

I get so caught up in the misery of the daily grind--is this all there is to life? I'm not meal planning. I can't bring myself to do much of anything in evenings, especially if I do work out. I resent that my daily life is work, workout, sleep (badly, at that). I'm not working out as hard as I should so I don't think my endorphins are kicking in enough to curb my anxiety. I'm not rested. I can't function without coffee in the morning. I'm not motivated. Last night the tension pain in my neck and shoulders was so bad I barely slept. I don't sleep well normally but it was especially bad.

My job, which I was once excited about because it directly uses my degree (which was important to me) and I was on a career track, has been in the decline. My supervisor has already told me I won't get my final promotion (which is completely unethical and maybe unlawful to tell me that months out, which means you're not basing the decision on my performance...but that's a whole other rant) and my management in general treats us like children. They drastically reduced our telework for no reason. She gets upset bc we wear capris (dress capris) to work. She thinks none of us actually work when we do telework. She is complete idiot, really, I have had to show her how to send emails and format Word documents before. I'm feeling under appreciated and its not good to feel like your supervisor doesn't feel like you do anything (when teleworking, or in general) the only reason I don't take it too personally is because she feels that way about her whole team. She just can't manage her employees. So yeah, the level of frustration I have is really getting to me.

I'm just extra down b/c this past weekend posted all over facebook was a couple of our graduate school friends getting married. So it felt like a double whammy--1) that this couple had been together less than my bf and I and are now married, and 2) we were like the only people from graduate school who were not invited, so that kind of hurt, and highlighted the fact that yet again, I feel like I have no friends.

And then of course there's the never ending struggle with my body. I haven't been able to lose any weight and I am still down only 5 lbs from my starting and a full 7lbs up from my lowest. But I can't get motivation to eat less and track, so what can I expect?

My birthday and my anniversary with my bf came and went recently and I'm now a year older and we are another year more together and nothing's changed. I know that sounds ungrateful. I just don't know what to do with my life, or what I'm expecting out of it. I know I should be grateful, and on paper, I am doing well, I have a good job, I'm able to pay my bills and enjoy the expensive area I live in, I love my kitty and I have a wonderful committed boyfriend. But sometimes I just get overwhelmed with the mundane and fantasize about leaving everything behind and traveling the know? *sigh*

Member Comments About This Blog Post:
IRP1114 6/27/2014 2:37PM

    emoticon emoticon
Sparkmailed you! emoticon

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GREGGWEISBROD 6/27/2014 1:54PM

    *hugs* :( Any summer vacation plans on the horizon? :D Those always help me out my daily grind funks. I've read a few of your recent posts just now as well, and that sucks about your struggles forming a nice group of friends to chill with. I feel like I just luckily land ass backwards into circles of friends, cause whenever I actively try to make friends it's always an awkward and self-conscious mess. *one more hug* :)

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SONICB 6/26/2014 3:03PM

    Sending emoticon your way. Really sorry to hear about the job situation... I hope things get better for you soon. Hearing ahead of time that I wouldn't get that final promotion might lead me to at least start looking at other jobs to see if there are better opportunities out there.

Re: the marriage thing... I find that a lot of people rush into it (after dating for only 1 or 2 years!). I might not be one to speak having been with my bf for almost 6 years in August, but a lot of couples I know who married after 1-2 years end up divorcing or cheating on each other.

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RYDERB 6/25/2014 4:06PM

Hope things turn around soon.

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RAINEMARIE214 6/24/2014 3:10PM

    I feel like 6 months ago I could have written this blog entry for you :( I am sorry you are feeling so down.

You know what happened to me (and I had been with my bf less than you) but I finally said a decision had to be made and it resulted in us breaking up. I was really sad, but now, after 6 months, I know that it was the best thing for me because if I hadnt felt so "free" I wouldnt be making so many huge changes in my life right now. Two years ago I blogged constantly about how much I hated my job, felt like my career was going nowhere, and last year felt like my relationship wasnt progressing how I wanted it to. I know if my relationship hadnt ended, I would be writing those same blogs again now, though - instead, I finally had the confidence and freedom to make the changes that are absolutely necessary for me.

I am not saying that you need to do that, too. I'm just saying that it was what I needed to finally get out of my funk and make the changes that I really needed, even if it is terrifying at times! Maybe now is a good time for you to start looking for new jobs, maybe make one change at at a time and see if that helps? Maybe its time to have a serious discussion with your bf about how you are feeling.

I hope you start feeling better soon!

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EDDYMEESE 6/23/2014 9:55PM

    I am with you 100%, my friend.

1. Marriage - I'm sorry you weren't invited. Just tell yourself it is their loss. Just because they've been together less time and are now married means nothing. I do the same. I have friends who, in the last 6 years, have gone from single to dating to engaged to married to 2 kids...and my ovaries and I are sitting here watching life pass us by, lol. One thing I promise you: only you know what you have. It is easy to look at other people and wish we had what they do - but we don't really know that their life is all that great. I have friends who are "jealous" of my career (but no kids) and I'm "jealous" that they have kids (but no career). It is human nature to look at other people and think the grass is greener...

2. Friends - sigh. Like I said on your "Friends" blog, I get it.

3. Weight - at some point, you have to see past what you think you see and see what everyone else is seeing...which is a rockin' body :) But that's all up to you. It is hard, I know.

4. Work - that seriously sucks. I know you were really excited about this job. Keep the job and start looking elsewhere? Would your BF be willing to relocate or are you feeling stuck? If you can relocate, you might find more exciting opportunities elsewhere!

5. I call it "the itch". We get into that rut of life and wonder if this is all there is. I tend to start to think about just up and leaving. If I wasn't married, I'd have been long gone. It is really hard to find the meaning of life when you feel like it's all work and no play. Maybe you need to create your own play. I know it is easier said than done.

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SHRINKING_SARA 6/23/2014 4:12PM


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ARUNNINGKAT 6/23/2014 3:10PM

    Sending hugs your way dear friend! I understand how you are feeling so very well because I have been going through a similar rut lately. Slightly different issues, but the same lost feeling. Unfortunately, I still don't have it figured out so I can't provide any help for you except to let you know that you are not alone. emoticon

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BONOLICIOUS2 6/23/2014 2:25PM

    You know I hear you loud and clear... ugh. We gotta plan our meet up!

Sounds like it might be a good time to start the job search. Believe it or not, our supervisors make a HUGE difference in our job satisfaction. You could be a widget processor in a widget factory and it wouldn't matter if your supervisor gave you a career path, coaching, used common sense, etc. A bad supervisor is toxic and can definitely bleed into other areas of your life. I was reading your blog and felt the same vibe I had with a bad supervisor and it made me cringe. Gotta cut the negativity! If you want the better environment, you gotta be the one to make the change.

I also have been seeing loads of proposals and weddings on my newsfeed these days. It causes so much self doubt and everything. Is the big wedding what you want? Might be time to stick your priorities out there in clear english for the bf. If you're unsure, hang out a bit more. But don't let everyone else dictate what should make you happy or fulfilled! Follow your own path and don't forget to check in with "yourself" over others!

But seriously, I hear you. Maybe we should play hookie together one day and have sushi and mani/pedis. Yes?!

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AMBERLICIOUS88 6/23/2014 2:07PM

    Awe sweetie, I get sad when I hear someone is feeling this way. I admit I get this way a lot too...I just don't blog when I'm feeling that way, so good for you getting off your chest. Not being married doesn't make you any less of a person, and unfortunately that is not something you can control. Neither is a crappy boss/workplace. Diet and exercise IS something we can control, but don't let it control your life. Please remember, there are people out there with ALOT more than 7 lbs to worry about. And you look amazing the way you are already. I would kill for your body! When I start feeling the way you are right now, I start thinking about gratitude and how many people are so much more worse off than I am. When I think of my problems that way it seems to make them seem so small....cheer up! Maybe a spa day/massage will fix you up!

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ISABELLE84 6/23/2014 1:28PM

    I am sorry you feel that way. I cannot tell you what's the purpose of life as I have no idea. When I was a bit younger, around your age actually, that question made my life difficult. Was it really all there were to life? Working, sleeping, doing laundry and the likes... Well, it took myself some times to figure it out but eventually, I started doing something I really wanted to, changed my career path (still not happy with work but it's getting there) and I got involved in things I liked. I love volleyball though I lack coordination so I found a league in which I play every week. I tried hockey so my boyfriend and I had something to do together on a daily basis. I tried golf for the same reason. I started scrap booking and I've done pretty cool things.

Now, if work sucks, quit. That's all. You need to be happy and feel involved to give your best. So if it's not happening and if it's possible, make the move.

Good luck and feel better ☼

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BEFIT_WITHGUSTO 6/23/2014 1:09PM

    I am so sorry you're going through a tough time. Definitely do something for yourself to decompress and relax. Have you had a talk with your boyfriend recently about your feelings?

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HUSKERLAND3 6/23/2014 9:56AM

    Keep your head up.

That which does not kill us makes us stronger.

Friedrich Nietzsche

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