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    TRENTDREAMER   15,056
SparkPoints
15,000-19,999 SparkPoints
 
 
Weigh-In 06/21/14

Saturday, June 21, 2014

**Warning. This blog contains expressions of frustration. If you are someone who doesn't feel comfortable with this (or needs to squelch such expressions with the usual "don't beat yourself up" or "tomorrow is another day" yada yada), then please either don't read or read and don't comment**

**THIS WEEK
Did not get my footing a lot of stress. Didn't even log onto SparkPeople. Didn't really address the SparkDiet. I'll get to it tomorrow.

**IN GENERAL
I'm frustrated with my weight. I'm stuck at around 205, I'm unmotivated to go to the gym. I didn't even eat out that much. I feel like no matter what I do or how much progress I make, this is really always going to be a negative force/burden. It's old and annoying.

I hate the religious aspect of SparkPeople. The "I did well"/"I didn't do well". I lost this week (who hoo) or gained (#fail). I'm really tired of the burden that most food commonly available seems to lead to being fat.

I think that I'm going to give myself 5 more tries on the SparkDiet Fastbreak stage. I don't seem to have what it takes to track, which is a fundamental of this site/diet.

I don't have control over eating, which makes tracking an even bigger burden. I am a complete failure when it comes to being able to control my weight/eating. To add to this, I am not really helping anyone or adding any value to anyone's journey.

Have I mentioned that I hate that motivator award anytime recently? I'm giving serious thought about getting a new account just to scrub that damn thing off my page.

A stressful week causes me to not focus on eating, which causes me to eat a lot, this makes tracking difficult (even more so), which causes weight gain, which causes stress, which results in a stressful week.......which causes......

** The SparkDiet
Again, I failed last time, so I'm going to give it another try. I honestly don't think I have what it takes to select the goals that are necessary to succeed, so maybe this time I'll just pick two really easy ones and one hard one. This time it will be tracking.

If I can't get food tracking under control, this site is pretty much a total bust for me. I dunno.


**THE NUMBERS
So since recommitting to SP here are the numbers:
Goal: lte 195.0@15%
Week 0: 206.2@21
Week 1: 204.2@20
Week 2: 203.8@21
Week 3: 206.2@20 (gained 2.4 pound. Back to starting weight)

So far: No progress weight-wise. Maybe down 1% bodyfat. Will probably gain it back the next week I lose weight.

All in all...no progress.

- TD In

p.s. **If you're some one who feels the compulsion to use stupid cliches that mock others' frustration ("pity party", "whine tasting" etc.), become a better person. I love you, but become a better person.
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

STESSOUTCHICK2 8/30/2014 7:42AM

    I am glad your doing well


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AKELAZ 6/23/2014 12:15PM

    Inclined to agree with MEADSBAY - 'snap out of it'. Which of course you will.
There is obviously stuff going on in your 'real world' that is taking over the virtual world of Spark. Spark is a tool - if it's not helping you, put it back in the toolbox and consider your options. A different approach - a different site - an eating group of some sort. Or just give yourself a break - maybe stop trying. No goal - no failure.

All that said - I and many many others would be gutted if we didn't 'see' you here - the risk we all run when we establish any kind of friendship. Just has to be borne.

Do what's good for YOU - nothing else matters. Will be thinking of you tho.

Comment edited on: 6/23/2014 4:40:16 PM

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TOOTERFISH 6/23/2014 8:07AM

    hello Trent.
i would like to offer, maybe a solution to your award.
did you know.. that you can delete them?

well i learned this today. and perhaps it will be freeing for you. maybe.

so. go to the tracker page.
at the bottom with the spinner.. to the right, there is a 'manage trophies' or similar..
click.
then choose which ones to 'remove'.

i've never been motivator.. which is quite fine.. so am unsure if it Will allow this to be removed, but thought i'd give you a way to at least look at the possibility.

:) be well.
-Toot

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A_RARE_BEAN 6/22/2014 4:16PM

    Well yeah it was a tough week and you feel sucky, fair enough mate fair enough, we all go through them! Tough weeks are good for one thing though, much more so than good weeks....they illuminate what works and what doesn't work for you and what blocks might need different/better planning in future. Take it as information gathering, nothing more or less.

I'm with Cathy I HATE tracking, it's soul sucking and leaves you constantly obsessing about food and numbers. So I decided there was no way I was gonna track calories for the rest of my life...lifestyle change right, so this stuff is meant to be permanent...no thanks. I don't track. Lots of people don't track, lots of plans don't require tracking, you can still lose weight without it on WHOLEfood plans, like paleo/plant based/ whichever suits you better and is how you want to eat.

I know you are giving this spark diet your full whack but i don't like seeing you call yourself a failure because this might just not be the right plan for you and the best way for you to operate. I would be really sad to see you go, you can stay on spark even if you aren't following their plans/ideas, there are plenty of us here just for the support whilst doing our own thing to get to health and wellness. Me personally I am totally flying by the seat of my pants and pretty much doing everything spark doesn't recommend lol, but it works for me and the weight is coming off, albeit slowly.

So I don't think you should leave, would be gutted if you did, but respect that whatever you need is what you need.

I also believe that you can do this and can make it work, by 'this' I mean lose weight and get healthy. You just need to find the right way that is specific JUST for you. Adapt, take bits from all over the place, learn nutrition, see what your body likes, then make and carve out your own path! Yes spark is a great diet plan, but we aren't all some homogenous group that need to just do everything exactly as told and magic happens, some people do well on high protein, some on low fat low carb. Trial and error my friend, not failure, trial and error until you succeed.

Wishing you a less stressful week, and some more self belief really...I believe in you and know there is a path for you that is just right, it may very well not be tracking, but whatever it is it does exist.

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CATHYGETSFIT 6/22/2014 1:47AM

    Every single person on here has had a bad day, week, month, etc. Life isn't always easy. I have had my share of sh!tty times. So you had a stressful week. You didn't track your food, you didn't try to watch what you were eating. You just have to start over again this next week. The difference between you and everyone that is successful in losing weight on here is that when they have a sh!tty day, week, month, or even year they just keep trying until they get it right.

You know what, I HATE tracking my food too! Which is why I love the Fast Metabolism Diet which is essentially clean eating and I don't track my food. Back to SP though... When it comes to setting your goals just use the KISS principle. Keep It Simple Sweetie... You don't have to have 10 goals or even 5 goals. Make however many you feel comfortable with and that you think are work to get to and yet attainable without pushing yourself to the point where they are so hard that it will take having an absolute perfect day, week, month, etc... Remember life is never easy and you are going to have a bad day or week or whatever now and then. It happens to everyone. Feeling sorry for yourself and being mad at yourself isn't going to get you anywhere. What happened when you were in college and you did poorly on an exam?? You might have been upset about but you just tried harder on your next exam. Right??

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FITGRL124 6/21/2014 9:27PM

    I think you wrote this blog about my life! I feel the EXACT same way right now. We're a pair. emoticon

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1DERLAND14 6/21/2014 6:09PM

    I think you've earned the spark people motivator title. :) You have been a great spark friend to me, picked me up and dusted me off when I've been down. We all have tough moments/weeks. You've made phenomenal life changes. I have every faith in you that you can do this. I can relate to what you are saying about tracking. That is an area I can always tighten up in. Sending you a huge hug from Texas, my friend. I hope you're feeling better today. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MEADSBAY 6/21/2014 9:26AM

    Ohmyeffinword!
How about a smack across the kisser and Cher's
Iine in Moonstruck
"Snap out of it."
You are wallowing and it is counterproductive.
emoticon

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