Saturday, June 21, 2014
**Warning. This blog contains expressions of frustration. If you are someone who doesn't feel comfortable with this (or needs to squelch such expressions with the usual "don't beat yourself up" or "tomorrow is another day" yada yada), then please either don't read or read and don't comment**
Did not get my footing a lot of stress. Didn't even log onto SparkPeople. Didn't really address the SparkDiet. I'll get to it tomorrow.
I'm frustrated with my weight. I'm stuck at around 205, I'm unmotivated to go to the gym. I didn't even eat out that much. I feel like no matter what I do or how much progress I make, this is really always going to be a negative force/burden. It's old and annoying.
I hate the religious aspect of SparkPeople. The "I did well"/"I didn't do well". I lost this week (who hoo) or gained (#fail). I'm really tired of the burden that most food commonly available seems to lead to being fat.
I think that I'm going to give myself 5 more tries on the SparkDiet Fastbreak stage. I don't seem to have what it takes to track, which is a fundamental of this site/diet.
I don't have control over eating, which makes tracking an even bigger burden. I am a complete failure when it comes to being able to control my weight/eating. To add to this, I am not really helping anyone or adding any value to anyone's journey.
Have I mentioned that I hate that motivator award anytime recently? I'm giving serious thought about getting a new account just to scrub that damn thing off my page.
A stressful week causes me to not focus on eating, which causes me to eat a lot, this makes tracking difficult (even more so), which causes weight gain, which causes stress, which results in a stressful week.......which causes......
** The SparkDiet
Again, I failed last time, so I'm going to give it another try. I honestly don't think I have what it takes to select the goals that are necessary to succeed, so maybe this time I'll just pick two really easy ones and one hard one. This time it will be tracking.
If I can't get food tracking under control, this site is pretty much a total bust for me. I dunno.
So since recommitting to SP here are the numbers:
Goal: lte 195.0@15%
Week 0: 206.2@21
Week 1: 204.2@20
Week 2: 203.8@21
Week 3: 206.2@20 (gained 2.4 pound. Back to starting weight)
So far: No progress weight-wise. Maybe down 1% bodyfat. Will probably gain it back the next week I lose weight.
All in all...no progress.
- TD In
p.s. **If you're some one who feels the compulsion to use stupid cliches that mock others' frustration ("pity party", "whine tasting" etc.), become a better person. I love you, but become a better person.