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    HEALTHYNCGAL   10,005
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GRRRR...Husband...GR
RRR


Saturday, June 21, 2014

I'm so annoyed with Husband. I've written before that when he is at home, he is about the laziest human being on Earth. Well, today is no exception.

Before bed last night, I asked him to take the dogs out to use the bathroom before he left for work this morning. He said he would. (He has this really obnoxious habit of not doing it, and blames it on not having "time" or just lets me do it and acts like he is doing the dogs some kind of favor, because by letting me do it, they will be going out sooner to the time they will be left alone). It's just stupid. 20 minutes doesn't make a bit of difference. It's just YET ANOTHER thing he doesn't do...or doesn't do as often as he should...yet another thing he just lets me take care of, as if I don't have enough crap to do around here.

So last night I asked him to be sure to take the dogs out before he went to work. I woke up around 3am and couldn't get back to sleep, so I moved out onto the couch to watch some TV and I ended up falling back to sleep around 5. Husband came out into the living room around 7, and I got up and went back into my bedroom to try to go back to sleep. After just a couple of minutes, I heard the front door open. I listened for a minute, then I heard him walk down the steps. Then his truck started up. Then I heard him leave. DID HE TAKE THE DOGS OUT? NOPE. So annoying! At that point, I was so pissed off that there was no way I could go back to sleep. I texted him right away, asking why didn't he take them out. A half an hour later he finally replied, "I was in a hurry and in a daze and forgot."

Really? How does anyone "forget" something like that? I think that's total BS. He forgot. Yeah right. Who knows, maybe he did. I don't know what's worse: neglecting to do it, or actually forgetting to take them out. Either one is bad. AND ANNOYING AS F--K.

So...Our dogs have this little problem where they "leak" a little urine sometimes while they are lying down. They will get up after a nap, and there will be a little wet spot on the carpet. Sometimes the wet spot isn't so little. I also have an elderly dog who poops on the carpet. Sometimes she goes two weeks and doesn't do it at all, then other times she does it every day for several days in a row. We take the dogs out often, but this is just something we have to deal with. And that is mostly why I am so annoyed when Husband doesn't bother to take the dogs out!! GRRRR!!

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The builders of our house put in the cheapest carpet out there. We bought this house brand-new six years ago, and no one had ever lived here before us. About a year after we moved in, I had to shampoo the carpets. We never wear shoes inside our house, I vacuum regularly, etc. The dogs even used to spend 100% of their time in their yard, and that helped quite a bit with the carpet. At this point however, the carpet is just gross. It's stained, it smells...I even live in this house and I smell it. Husband also has this other obnoxious habit of wearing his shoes in the house ALL THE TIME, even though I have literally begged him not to. In spite of my efforts, I've had to shampoo the carpets once or twice per year since we've lived here. It's RIDICULOUS. I've managed to borrow a carpet shampooer from friends, but I really would like to buy my own. We've also been talking about putting down new floors, essentially since we moved in. We need new flooring in the entire house, but the living room/dining room areas are particularly bad. Because of the "leaking" issue, our whole house smells like dog pee. I absolutely can't STAND IT at this point. And I just cleaned the dang carpets in the Spring! I actually even shampooed them twice while I borrowed that shampooer.

It's frustrating and embarrassing and it makes me not want to have anyone over. I've also written before about how particular I am about how I keep the inside of my house. I clean it, I make sure everything is organized and put away, etc. It's so frustrating to have dirty, stinking carpets...and even more frustrating for Husband to tromp around in his shoes all the time, constantly neglecting to take the dogs out...

And guess where he is this morning? Work. Of course. He never "forgets" anything regarding work. He never "forgets" commitments there. He never does a lousy, half-assed job at work. So he's working half a day, and he will come home and the house will be cleaned and ready for company tonight...because he's made his contribution. He's worked.

I'm done. All I'm doing is b!tching right now. I don't have anything else to say. I just want to strangle him sometimes. Why does he do this to me? I mean...I am very adamant and vocal about how I feel about this kind of thing. I'm not a little meek woman hiding out in the corner, afraid to speak up. It just always, always, ALWAYS falls on deaf ears. I know it's easy to say, "well, maybe you let him get away with it." But I don't. I b!tch and moan and beg and plead and ask and demand and NOTHING. EVER. CHANGES. It's been this way the entire time I've known him. Well, the only thing that's really changed is that he is not lazy with work anymore. He used to have the same attitude about his job. When we first got married, he would skip out on work all the time. He'd call in "sick" regularly, he just up and quit one job without even telling me, etc. He's completely changed in that regard, and I'm proud of him for that. But he needs to honor his obligations at home, @#$#$^@!! I'm so sick of it. I mean, honestly. I could just about sit here and cry. At this point, I just give up. Why do I even bother? Why am I even surprised? Why does it still annoy me so much? When am I going to stop half-expecting him to actually do crap around here, willingly and voluntarily? Geez. It's never happened, and it never will. It's time for a serious reality check.

I've kept writing and writing, thinking it would eventually help, but it hasn't. If anything it's made me feel worse, so I really am done now.

I don't even know what my point of this entry is. Just to piss and moan I suppose.
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CLASSYLADYMAY 6/22/2014 4:27PM

    I know your upset and I do understand. Sometimes we have to think from the men's side too or maybe how to talk to them in a different way. I don't know a lot but older and sometimes wiser. I always do all the cleaning but I am retired and husband is semi retired only works 3 days and we have been married for 42 years. We do t sleep together only because he snores a lot. So I have my own room and he does too. We have one cat and one dog. Dog sleeps me me cat sleeps wherever. Hubby has t always been good about helping but u have worked with him over the years and talked to him when things bothered me. I always start off conversation like .... Not trying to get you on the defensive or anything but this bothers me and how I feel about it. He is not as neat as me but will take off his shoes. Help feed the dog and take him out very regularly. And we have outside cats and he always takes time to take care of them and does dishes too cause he knows I do a lot with cleaning and cooking and yard work. But just telling you all this because it all took time and patience. !! I hope it all works out and you get new flooring and a husband who helps and understands.

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HEALTHYNCGAL 6/21/2014 2:00PM

    Thanks for the comments and support, guys. Basically, all it boils down to, is that I work really hard so that everyone can come home to a nice, clean, pretty house. And I don't feel that gesture is ever really reciprocated. And that really, really hurts.

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LASTXAROUND 6/21/2014 10:23AM

    I completely understand. I work the evening shift and before I leave for work I make sure the house is clean and the dogs were out. But, by the time I get home the kitchen is always a mess and there is dirt all over the floors.

One night I came home after a very difficult shift and it looked like a small bomb had detonated in my kitchen. Well, I had enough for one day. So, I grab the thrash can and just started throwing. Didn't matter what it was or how expensive, it went in. Including his shirts he had thrown on the floor in the corner. Why? I have no idea.

So, I ended up with 3 thrash bags full of stuff. There was boxes of food, dish, pots and pans, and of course his clothes that didn't belong in there in the first place.

The next morning he tried to tell me it was the stress of having to babysit the dogs! Really? He even went so far to say the dogs were the cause of all the dirt on the floors. Wow! I just simply looked at him and said two words "you're lazy." Then I walked away. The dogs and I went for a nice long walk.

That was 5 years ago. He has gotten much better. Guess he didn't like being thought of as lazy. Hurt his ego. So. Yes I know what you are going through because I went through it myself. Years of it. And yes, it can get better.



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PATTYKLAVER 6/21/2014 10:22AM

    I've been there and done that. Stick to your guns. Do what's right for you.

When the carpet comes up, I will warn you that the smell will be overwhelming. (I had cats who had that problem.) Luckily, Mom helped me and knew that cleaning the floor with vinegar water helped. I tend to want to suggest no carpets - just rugs. They can be washed easier and thrown out when necessary.

Please start thinking of you more. Get a plan together in case you decide that you have had enough. You are important. You are not meant to be a doormat. A relationship is meant to be a little more 50-50. Sometimes it may go to 25-75, but it should never be 100-0.

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MJREIMERS 6/21/2014 9:17AM

    My mom said you will never change a man. They will change if they want to, but only if they choose to. There is nothing "we" can do to change them, even if it would help them.

With that said, I do understand. My husband of almost 22 years goes through times when he does nothing. (We also have four kids in addition to the cat and two dogs.) I started cutting back on things like laundry. Surprising he did pick up the slack, but probably because they are his clothes, too. emoticon There has been times I only washed my own. Childish yes, but it got my point across. He still thinks he does so much in the house, but it has gotten better so.....

Hang in there. Women tend to take everything and want it done a particular way. I wish I could say more to help, but you either need to accept him or not. Either way, it's your decision.

Hugs and understanding lady!



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