Wednesday, June 18, 2014
Today was my annual exam. I was fully prepared for it to be a routine event. I cannot describe the feeling when the doctor says "You may have a pre-cancerous condition" and then schedules me for an ultra sound and biopsy.
Then I get to come out to the waiting room where my husband is waiting in his wheelchair, bring him to the car and try to explain why I am blinking back tears. I allowed myself fifteen seconds. Then it was time to pull up my baggy
big girl panties and move on.
I have had four previous cancer scares in the last 17 years, and every one of them has turned out non-cancerous.
God is God, I am not and Dr. Worry never cured anything.
For now, I go for the tests on June 25 and July 8, and then we see. If it is cancer, I will deal with it, because really, what other choice is there? If it is not cancer, that would be wonderful too!
None of that is a reason to blow the healthy eating plan though. Focus on the PRE and continue the healthy path.
Later this afternoon while helping my husband in the bathroom he says "What do you weigh now?" and I tell him. Like my weight is something I would even WANT to discuss today after the morning's news. He "I thought you were losing more weight, but I was afraid to ask and hurt your feelings if I was wrong." That was probably the sweetest thing I've heard all day.
I was also lifted in spirit by a surprise visit this afternoon from a friend, and after that spent an hour on my volunteer case manager work.
Onward & Downward!