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Even Strong Women have their moments

Wednesday, June 18, 2014

Today was my annual exam. I was fully prepared for it to be a routine event. I cannot describe the feeling when the doctor says "You may have a pre-cancerous condition" and then schedules me for an ultra sound and biopsy.

Then I get to come out to the waiting room where my husband is waiting in his wheelchair, bring him to the car and try to explain why I am blinking back tears. I allowed myself fifteen seconds. Then it was time to pull up my baggy emoticon big girl panties and move on.

I have had four previous cancer scares in the last 17 years, and every one of them has turned out non-cancerous.

God is God, I am not and Dr. Worry never cured anything.

For now, I go for the tests on June 25 and July 8, and then we see. If it is cancer, I will deal with it, because really, what other choice is there? If it is not cancer, that would be wonderful too!

None of that is a reason to blow the healthy eating plan though. Focus on the PRE and continue the healthy path.

Later this afternoon while helping my husband in the bathroom he says "What do you weigh now?" and I tell him. Like my weight is something I would even WANT to discuss today after the morning's news. He "I thought you were losing more weight, but I was afraid to ask and hurt your feelings if I was wrong." That was probably the sweetest thing I've heard all day.

I was also lifted in spirit by a surprise visit this afternoon from a friend, and after that spent an hour on my volunteer case manager work.

Onward & Downward!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Those words are never easy to hear. emoticon
    I think if he's using the phrase "pre cancerous", if it does turn out to be cancer, (and I pray it's not) that it is in the very early stage, when it can be easily and quickly treated.
    1345 days ago
    (((Hugs))). As someone who has been diagnosed with cancer in the past year, I understand the uncertainty and emotions that can come with that. I am glad your doctor seems to be keeping a good eye on you and ordering the necessary tests. Hoping everything turns out well for you. emoticon emoticon
    1346 days ago
  • CHERYLL1949
    I hope everything turns out ok. I will keep you in my prayers!
    1346 days ago
  • TURTLE-135
    Waiting to hear can be the hardest part. Please know that "I stand with you" as you wait. Love your attitude about Dr. Worry and we just as well get on with the day. From the multiple comments on this page I see you have great Spark support as well as those close to you.
    1347 days ago
    Husbands can say the sweetest things at a most inopportune time. How sweet and it must have felt so wonderful. Prayers on the "pre-cancerous" diagnose.......keep your faith and HE will guide you through all. emoticon
    1347 days ago
    I'm keeping you in my thoughts.
    1347 days ago
    Thank you so much for sharing-- you are not alone with God on your side, and the lovely caring people of Sparks! God bless! We are with you! Lean on the Father of all doctors and miracles.

    1347 days ago
    Susan my dear you are going to be on the top of my list of prayers. You really don't know how much I admire your grit and determination and above all your positivity.....Wish i could reach out to you and give you a tight tight hug....

    May God Bless you and may all your reports turn out just the way we are all wishing for.

    Remember Susan you are not alone you have an army of friends praying for your well being.

    Hugs, prayers & blessings
    1347 days ago
    Susan, I'm so glad that your appts are too far off. Waiting is the hardest. We are here for not forget that. emoticon
    1347 days ago
    I hope it's nothing.

    emoticon emoticon
    1347 days ago
    Know that you've got a whole lot of people sending good thoughts your way.

    1347 days ago
  • BETRHO48
    We all have to deal with what life hands us the best way that we can. At least it seems that whatever it may be, it has been found early and will soon be identified. Thank goodness for annual exams and good doctors! You will get through this.
    I will be hoping for the best.
    Meanwhile I will be sending hugs and prayers your way.
    1347 days ago
  • JUNEAU2010
    Best wishes! emoticon
    1347 days ago
    Praying everything comes out okay emoticon
    1347 days ago
  • LINDA!
    emoticon My prayers are with you that you are cancer free. It is never something we like to hear - I know I have had a few biopsies and felt so much relief to get good results.

    Happy that your hubby lifted your spirits today.
    1347 days ago
  • ALICIA214

    I love your optimistic attitude,and your husband sounds like real caring
    sweetheart.. I also believe in the power of prayer,so I will offer one up for
    you. Take care of yourself..... emoticon
    1347 days ago
    I am sending you prayers, love and seriously good wishes over the ether and the thousands of miles.

    You are such a support to so many of us, and we are here for you, too. Please use our collective shoulders and share with us if you need to unburden - don't bottle things up.

    "Keep your face to the sun and you won't see the shadows."

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1347 days ago
    emoticon Let's pray everything will be ok.
    1347 days ago
    Good luck with your tests and just stay positive.
    1347 days ago
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